Monday, December 1, 2008
God's Grace is Enough
Even though he and I have had a strained relationship for the past ten years, in his hour of need, God prepared a way for me to be by his side as well as making sure my sister could be here. We definitely spent some time looking death straight in the face and seen God move on our behalf, astonishing nurses, doctors, and unbelievers. On Friday, my dad was coded without a pulse after a week on a ventilator. CPR brought him around and drugs kept his heart beating throughout the day and night. On Sunday morning, he was eating a cheeseburger and telling stories about our childhood! Go GOD!
So today is Monday and we will be on the road tomorrow back to Mamma's house in northeast Texas.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Finally an Update
I regretfully admit that my grandmother has brain damage. She is off of the ventilator and we are just waiting. I pray that I will make it back to Texas in time to attend her funeral. My dad on the other hand is at a point of waiting. He was extibated this morning but is not showing much progress. Tonight I sang to him...my voice was inherited from him as well as what training I have came from him. I hope he wasn't secretly critiquing me! :) As I sang, his heart rate increased and his breathing became rapid. He started trying to move his head to face me but he was still just blank.
It is hard to see him like this. Later, when I have more time (later might be in a month or two), I will share some insights into my relationship with him. I am thankful that I am here. It is hard but I am thankful.
Also, today was Brydon's 7th birthday. It was hard for him, but tomorrow I will share some pictures of my dad with him that might help him to understand a little better as to why we made an emergency trip here and he missed Thanksgiving and his birthday party. It is just a tough time for us all. Now I am beginning to really understand all of the prophecies, dreams, and visions that were being shared with me over the past two months. God is really using me, though it is in a way that I wasnt so sure I could ever handle. The hardest part though was telling my grandfather whose wife was on a vent in one state that his son was on one in another. But God gave me the strength in that moment and I was able to share my faith and pray with my grandfather finally learning that he DOES believe in our Lord. What a relief for me....after all of these years.
But I am rambling now, I will get on here when I can but the opportunities are few and far between.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
God Answers Prayers
Okay so for a filler on the circumstance to my prayer: One year ago my husband's job changed as did his pay...by an extreme amount. Such an extreme amount that I am amazed that we even survived without losing BOTH of our houses. It was THAT much! But in this transition, we sold our pickup to keep ourselves afloat because it was fairly new, in good sellable condition, and paid for. Not the most brilliant of ideas! But hey, we still have our houses and our other vehicle (small car) and we are still able to eat. But with a large family, one that at the time had a baby in the oven, that little car is just a wee-tad too small, or at least when Daddy is home. With Daddy gone, we can squeeze two car seats in the back with a wedge of space left for a small rear-end and a booster seat in the front seat, but no dog...poor Maggie.
Late in my pregnancy, our dear friends in Germany blessed us with their Pathfinder to use while they are overseas. It was an incredible blessing to be able to have a few more inches (3 or 4) between the kiddos but it was still VERY tight. But tight or no tight, we have been in preparation for this trip back to Texas for several months, in which we prayed and laid claim that we would have a bigger, free or nearly free vehicle by November. We set the month to November because I was unsure of a day but sure of the month that we would leave.
Well, the first of November came and went and there was no vehicle in our sights. I have been so bummed. Our beloved friends encouraged me to take their Pathfinder to Texas saying that is why they left it with us...to be a blessing. So, I reluctantly gave in to the fact that I was not getting my very own larger vehicle anytime soon and that we would just have to make do in their vehicle even though I was beside myself for putting that many miles on their car.
Today, after church, November 9th, I drug out the car-top carrier and went to work trying to put it atop the Pathfinder to find that the brackets did not fit the nerf bars, so I began to devise a means to make it work. About an hour and a half into my endeavor, after I had snapped at the kids for talking to me, made my back ache, and was about ready to throw the whole thing in the garbage and rent a UHAUL, my neighbor came over with some papers and stickers for my kids.
As I was standing their unloading my anxiety onto her hoping she would figure out that I didnt have the time to talk because I was too busy getting prepared to leave she asked me a question that she had meant to ask me a week ago. Would I like to buy her mini van from her since she recently got another one....hmmm. It is nice...how much would she ask for it?...can she hang onto it until I get back from my trip?...could I even get financed with this economy? As these things were pouring through my mind, she asked if I would like to walk over and take a look at it. So, I hesitantly did knowing that I probably could not afford it.
Like I said, my God answers prayers. We signed title and added insurance tonight. I can afford to pay them from my checking account though they said not to until after my trip and to just pay them however I wanted to over a year (I will pay them sooner), and we put my car-top carrier, which fits, on it tonight! How funny is our God? And what about his timing? Was he testing my patience our what? I just cant stop laughing at Him tonight!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
This is one of my favorite pictures that he has sent. Some of my other favs I do not have liberty to share because they are of him with the local children. But this one I love. Not only is it a great pictures of my handsome hubby but look behind him at God's beauty! The artist of all artists, that is God's artwork. Magnificent!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
PREPARING FOR A LONG AWAITED DAY
Friday, October 24, 2008
I am fed up with all of you CHRISTIANS!!!
- Do they regularly attend church to be in the presence of the Lord and the body of believers or do they just sit in the back pew of the church to earn feel good points for the week? Do they attend church at all?
- Do they thank God continually throughout the day for the unnoticed blessings is in their life?
- Do they offer prayer to the sick woman standing in line at the grocery store or do they just pray that she doesn't come close enough to catch what she has and quietly condemn her for going out in public like that?
- Do they teach their children about the Lord?
- Do they admit to their friends that they are a "Christian" with firm moral values or do they just pass forwarded emails around with the hope of receiving a blessing for sending it to 7 people while hoping that those 7 people don't get offended and take them off of their friends list?
- Do they organize ministry to reach out to those who are lost?
- Do they offer their time to others who are organizing ministry to those who are lost?
- Do they even know the price to claim to be a "Christian" in persecuted countries? Do they care?
- Do these people do anything other than claim that they are a "Christian?" Do they know the definition of "Christian?"
- Do they know what Christ taught?
REMEMBER this in our election...
To lose those we love
This blog is not a wallering-hole for self-pity but an online journal to give others insight into the struggles and joys that we face as a christian family in a world that doesn't carry our same views. As well as looking into the life of a path less traveled, it is also an insight into the lonely world of a military family.
The other day I was part of a conversation that took place revolving around what we lose when we choose to follow Christ and it was made known that it is a common thing to lose your family,or for them to at least begin to think that you have gone of the deep end. In my life, I have seen that happen. I have watched as those I love so dearly have withdrawn from me becuase they don't fully understand the change and I, myself, have withdrawn from alot due to things and lifestyles being less appealing to me. I am by no means judgemental...I try VERY hard at that, but it seems that others are afraid that I am just because I have chosen to change my life. Though to some, this issue may seem trivial, but to me it is enormous. I struggle with knowing that my choice to follow Christ came with a price tag. A very large one. But although the price was tragic in my eyes, I know that to God it is only pennies. A small sacrifice in comparison to what He gave and that it was not in vain.
So, though at times I feel as though I walk this dusty trail alone, I know that it isn't so. And as I am slowly separated from those that I hold dear to my heart, God is replenishing my life with new faces and atmospheres that only bring me closer to another horizon.
Monday, October 20, 2008
What a Wonderful Surprise
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Is it possible?
There really is a study linking preservatives and dies to ADHD. WOW. Now lets put it into action.
Any Normal Day: restlessness, back talk, argumentative, angry and defiant.
DAY 1: we started the day off with coffee, yep, black coffee for the youngster. Paid attention to preservatives and non organic foods and drinks enter his wee little mouth. Spent 3 hours at Wal-mart with 4 tricycle motors and had not one fit. No anger. No back talk. Bought a pack of gummy candy, 20 minutes later, he is picking at his sister trying to start a fight, running through that house jumping over toys as hurdles, and was not interested in helping out at supper time.
Is this my answer??? We'll see, after all, God intended us to eat "natural" foods.
Friday, October 17, 2008
MY LATEST CAKES
So, it has been a while since I have had my hand in cake decorating, a hobby that I so dearly enjoy. But a few months back, I was given the opportunity to purchase, second-hand, quite a bit of decorating supplies. Since all of my supplies were in storage in Texas, I jumped on the band wagon, but since, I have only had to the opportunity to make 3 cakes...Bummer...but tonight I was asked by the manager of a bowling ally if she could give my name out to customers.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
What a wonderful man
Friday, October 10, 2008
It all happens for a reason, but ENOUGH is ENOUGH
It had been planned for several days that a lady from our church would come over at 5:30 to sit with my kids so that I could drive one of our vehicles to the dealership to offer it up for sale. As I had said, two of my kids were sick (despite me taking them shopping all day), so because I didnt have her number, I periodically emailed her via blackberry to let her know that I didnt feel like she should come over; to terminate our prior plans. Well, my house was a complete disaster, my babies were crying, I was tired and this sweet lady pulled into my drive. She had not checked her email all day and had no clue that I had even sent one. But despite my pleas, she was comfortable with keeping sick kids and urged me to go. I was so unprepared and I quickly became rushed dealing with preparation to sell the car amongst trying to sneak away from my crying one year old. The lady soon told me that she would keep the baby and I would take my one year old with me. Good idea. But amongst the chaos, my sister called...no time to talk, so I didnt answer. Then I repeatedly ran in and out of the house, from one vehicle to the next, then realizing that I didnt have my billfold with my i.d.'s. IMPORTANT. So I ran back in, probably a few more times after that, and then finally backed out of the driveway.
About a half of a mile up the road I did a check to make sure that I made it out of the house with all of the necessities learning that my billford was nowhere to be found in the car or on me or in my diaper bag. So,...I turned around and went back to the house. Frantically, I searched every room and turned up empty handed. Lord, please dont let me have laid it on top of the car and drove off. So, with this fear in mind, I leave again, driving slowely up the road looking for it to be lying in or beside the road. Nada. ZIP. So I decide to pull into the gas station at the end of the road to look the car over again, under the baby, under his car seat, but then I get an urgent text from my sister whom I had previously ignored.
WHOOF....my air is gone. BREATH! BREATH! I didnt know what to think. I still dont know what to think. Such horrible news and I am so far away. Not only am I so far away in terms of miles but in relationship as well. Before I knew God, I was guilty of idolizing a person. He was on a pedestal in my eyes. I seen his wrong, but it was okay because he was such a big part of my life and I loved him tremendously... I still do. That will never change, no matter what he thinks of me. But 2 years ago I convinced my heart to believe that he was dead. Not physically, but emotionally and I have yet to complete the grievance process. But because of my displacement, I am not supposed to know. How do I deal with this? I want to be selfish and run home but our relationship is broken and hasnt been fixed in hopes of saving him grief. If I go running home, his life will be turned upside down...I would be stomping on his heart. Of all of the things I am or of all of the things I have been accused of, I am not selfish, at least not often. I allow my heart to be wrenched from my chest to leave me breathless on the floor just to save someone else the heartache. So it is now...I want so much to be selfish and mend broken bridges before it is too late so that I dont have to live the rest of my life with the REAL pain of loosing someone when they are angry with me; but if I think of me, I hurt him and his home life. Lord, where am I to be in all of this?
SO, I looked all day and the billfold is still gone. If I hadn't of lost it, I wouldnt have called my sister back until way later. If I hadnt of called her back at that moment, she might have thought twice about telling me, which might have changed the course of our relationship forever. So, Lord, I know that everything happens for a reason. I lost my billfold for a reason greater than I want to comprehend. But geeze, enough is enough all ready. I have enough stress just piled on that I dont need to worry about canceling debit cards, filing for a new military ID, trying to get another Arizona drivers license, or filing for new social security cards for my whole family...revelation please.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Perfect Parent...what?
I am in my 8th year of parenting and my 3rd year of raising godly children. With 5 years under my belt of the befores, I can definitely vouch that there is as big of a difference in the two parenting styles as night and day. As much as I try to be a "good" parent, sometimes I feel like I carry the title of a "bad" parent. Such a heavy burden.
"Am I a failure at this???"
"Should I give up on raising godly children and just go back to the befores?"
"Where is my help when I am all alone?"
"Where is the grace for my children's mistakes on their journey of growth?"
These are the questions that speed through my head amongst the jumbled clutter of a chaotic mind. The answer I get..."Be still and know...be still and know." Be still and know what? "That I am God." Now I am more than aggravated at the planet for my children's broken hearts and my over-bearing desire to give up along with my feelings of failure, but now I am aggravated at God for just telling me to sit down and shut-up like I am a little kid my self. Oh!!!!! Light bulb!!! I am a little kid! I am just a child to God and I am forever learning and being disciplined myself by THE perfect parent. And yes, I do need to sit down and shut-up. I need to leave my feelings of desolation and frustration out of the mix and leave it to God. I need to trust in HIM alone for my children. Seek HIM alone for the answers to my parenting questions and let HIM resolve any conflict that arises.
Tonight the kids and I studied Proverbs 10 and in just that one chapter, God spoke so many things; "the Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, " "hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs," and "he who holds his tongue is wise." God is not going to let my prayers for my children be in vain, nor is he going to allow my efforts to raise godly children be in vain. Though other people may not grant grace to my children for their mistakes, they are only human facing their own trials in this same rotten world, but God gives them grace just as he gives me grace for not being a perfect parent. And if I hold my tongue not speaking in a manner that might be misconstrued, but be steadfast in prayer with patience and love, God's glory will be revealed.Thank you Lord that you are a God of patience, grace, and love. Help me Lord to see and love others the way you see and love them. Help me to parent my children according to your Word extending mercy and grace to them just as you have for me. Give me patience with each child and reveal to me which areas in each child's life that needs to be tended to at each particular moment that it is needed. Please fill myself and my children with your holy presence and may we be beacons for your kingdom.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Obey Your Husband
Sunday, September 28, 2008
ALONE
Daddy calls me and assures me that I am doing a good job taking care of our family while he is off doing what he does, but I still step back and think "how can I do this?" Brydon is at an age where he is very torn that his Daddy is away, though he is proud to say that his Daddy serves our country! It is very cute. Tonight he declared that HE will one day join the forces in serving our country and I had to remind him of Daddy's wishes that he get a college education FIRST.
Back to point and back on my soap box, I struggle with the thought of truly being alone. But then just like He always does, God, ever-so-politely, reminds me that He is in charge, not me and that I am not alone. It is very humbling. Imagine, drowning in your own pity, almost pridefully...like I am proud to pity myself or something, and then just pushed off my soap box in an instant with the realization that I have no right to complain because I am not alone! Not that I want to pity myself but it almost gives you a sense of power over your life...STRANGE. But that is just it, With every earmark of my life, God has been shaping me up for this moment in my life. This moment to reveal his glory. That is what it is about. Being a light in a darkened world. And though we are all called to be that light, we are all called to do it differently at different seasons. I just envision Christmas lights. All strung up lighting the night so beautifully and though they are all working together to achieve the same result of beauty, they are different colors places strategically along the line. That is us, God's children. We are all different colors lighting up the night and though we appear to be suspended in the darkness by ourselves, there is a wire in the background holding is up. That wire is God. Whimsical analogy, I know but that is what God just put on my heart at this moment. So I am not alone. I am only one light in the darkness working alongside the other lights to reveal God's glory and though those in the dark cant see the wire in the background stringing the lights together, God is there, holding myself and all the others up so that we can reveal his beauty. May He be glorified by my life. May my struggles and triumphs bring him praise. He is worthy. Thank you Lord that you hold me up when I feel like I cant stand. Thank you for loving me with the greatest and purest of loves. Use me Lord, use me for your purpose and may your will be done in and through my life. May you be magnified!
Monday, September 22, 2008
When you wake up in the morning thinking of the upcoming day do you feel the big squeeze on your heart? He is hugging you, telling you good morning. Do you notice him? When you lay down at night, do you selfishly say "thank you God, but I am too tired to talk. I know you understand that I need my sleep," and then doze right off or maybe lay and think of the days events or tomorrows worries? Can you count on one hand or maybe even count at all how many times a day that you acknowledge him? Give thanks in everything, and in everything sing praise to the Lord.
He was there then, He is here now, and He will be there tomorrow. I pray that God would awaken your heart and open your eyes. He's everywhere and He is WILD about YOU!!!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Into the heart of a military wife
- Every time I play with Aleya and she smiles and screams in happiness I fight back the tears from coming to the surface because I feel guilty that he is not here to see her joy of learning something new.
- As Xander runs through the house like a whirlwind screaming "Mommy!" I realize that he started talking after Daddy left.
- Kodi steps up to bathe her little brother, help me cook, and pacify the baby when I administer the discipline and I think about how I am doing Daddy's job as Kodi is doing mine at that moment.
- When I realized that Brydon is acting out behavior that makes him think of Daddy, my heart breaks to know that his role model is not here at the present time.
- And when I am exhausted and climb into bed at 1 am hardly able to think... That is what I do to not notice the empty bed.
Quiet...???
Yesterday was a day that I had to bend. Though the chaos of my life is beautiful in my eyes, it was a little too much. What I should really admit to is that I could no longer stand the excess of dog hair. Toby was great, but it was time for him to find a new home. Having two rottweilers is a little excessive when you consider the brood of children that my hubby and I have. I think Toby will be well loved and taken care of. I took measures to ensure that the person taking him knew what he was getting into and had a good understanding of the breed.
So here I am with the kids in bed and instead of having two rowdy rotties rough-housing under my feet, there is only one; laying solemnly but peaceful. And so I am...at peace. This is nice, but Lord, how do I hear you in the quiet?
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
To ALL my faithful readers
Just a little update. I know you will all be pleased to know that the day after my Postal post, I did in fact install the new mail box by the curb. I labored and sweat ferociously that next morning and now, three mail days later, the mail man has not put mail in it. He is bringing it to the door and putting the mail in the box mounted on the wall...and I have left my front door open! Oh well, he can have it his way. I did my part and at least I haven't been visited again by the Post MASTER. Though the day after he did not deliver it, I received two days worth of mail and the previous day's was labeled "unsafe." Go figure...
I love my mail carrier! This must just be some fun game! Thank you Lord for the excitement and challenge of keeping my mannerisms.
The Stink is in the Air
So it was. Safe and yet different. Not far out of my comfort zone at all. Probably not any in fact. What has been different though has been this new "attitude." I feel like it is swirling in like cigarette smoke in an enclosed room. At the moment it is a small amount, almost nonthreatening, but I know that soon it is going to engulf my whole house and atmosphere; sbefore long my home is going to wreak of this devastating air named "Bad Attitude."
It is currently making it's fumigating home upon one of my children and this child is becoming increasingly SMELLY! So that is my delima at this time. Quite a challenge when I think of how easy it would be if my hubby were home, in which he is not! So, this is where I step out of my comfort zone and learn to not depend on human strength...This is a task for a God-sized can of aerosol. Lord, feel free to spray at anytime!!!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Going "Postal"
I have a dog. I have two dogs! When I had only one, I was ever-so politely informed, first by the mail carrier and then by the Post MASTER, that my rottweiler MUST be on a chain or in the house for mail to be delivered to anyone on our street. A chain link fence was no answer. So, with this warning, I obediently kept Maggie in the house until the mail had been delivered around 10:00 AM, no big deal, right? But soon our mail began to be unpredictable, being delivered anywhere between 10 AM and 4 PM. Not so cool for an animal that must relieve herself just as a person does...but I obeyed.
Though I felt like I was doing everything in my power to maintain my animal, I just wasn't doing enough. See, I have a glass storm door attached to my front door (which is where my mailbox is located) and though I feel like it is a safe confinement (LOCKED), our mail carrier thinks otherwise, especially after he seen the second rottweiler staring at him separated only by a glass door. And thus, I was visited AGAIN by the Post MASTER. The word "master" is just intimidating in my book...
So, I am no longer allowed the freedom of sunshine through my door on a sunny day if I want the luxury of my mail being delivered to my house. Okay, fine! I'll deal with it! But now comes the part that I have children who don't always remember that the mail has yet to run it's unpredictable route. So today, for the third time, the front door has been left cracked open though the dogs where secured in another part of the house for cleaning purposes. But the mailman doesn't know that the dogs where put away nor does he care, he didn't deliver the mail which is what happens the day before I get the visit by the lovely MASTER of the Post. This time it will be to inform me that I am a lousy dog owner and will now have to pick my mail up at the Office of the Post. Perilous, I know with four kids and a busy home school day. So my answer? I spent my "Mommy's Day Out" shopping for a mailbox that will stand by the curb. My goal is to have it up first thing in the morning so that when I get served the infamous letter by the MASTER he can see that I am diligent to obey, that it just took me a few tries to get it right.
Is that what happens with God? I don't believe so. Instead of God threatening us with the possibility of the loss of His presence, he just keeps giving us 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc., etc., etc., tries. He never gives up on us. As long as we keep trying, he keeps encouraging us to succeed. He is a patient God who loves us despite our iniquities and He is ever faithful because He knows the blessings He has in store for us. I am going to keep trying to get it right!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Though I have plenty of time on my side, I just feel like it isn't enough to prepare my heart or those of my loved ones. But in my heart of hearts, I know that this is the season to begin building, or at least the preparation there of. Just as we prepare to build a house, we must first prepare the ground and then begin the foundation before building the structure.
It has been about 2 1/2 years since I have seen those that I so dearly love that I so badly hurt. In the beginning we really struggled to muster the ability for civil conversation. What a loss...but what a time for God to clear away the clutter. Then, we gradually began to exchange in thought by way of Internet and soon periodic phone conversation. This has been like the ground work for the construction. And just like building, you are never completely sure when the ground is ready to lay the foundation and thus the structure, so you just have to trust that you have prepared enough to begin that process. This is where we are at: still prepping the ground for a proper foundation.
I am trusting that the ground will be ready by the time I get there; and though we may only work on foundational work and not get to the building yet, I know that everything has it's season, and that TIME isn't for God as we see it.
Luke 6:48 (NIV)He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven
Saturday, August 23, 2008
MY WALK WITH LORD - Howard
When you all read this you will be reading some questions I have answered while going through a book I am reading. I am sharing this because it is important for you all to know.
The First question: The heart is easily captured by other people. Think of a time when another person unexpectedly won your heart?
This was an easy question to answer. I remember walking through the halls of Kingman High School. I actually think that I was coming out of the library and Looked to my left and there she was the most beautiful girl in the world. From a distance, she had long beautiful black hair and she was wearing a red button up shirt with a collar, with the sleeves cut off. It was like the sun hit her just right. It was amazing, it was perfect. That day was the first time my heart was captured, by the most amazing women in my life, my now, Wife.
The Second question: Giving our heart away is a key to happiness why are people so reluctant to do that.
My answer I think it is a combination of things, one in particular is being scared. Giving your heart up to someone opens your heart up to be hurt. And with that people associate it with pain, but what people don’t understand is that your heart has to be open to receive too. When it is closed off, it can’t let anything in also. So it is a very delicate balance, that if you go to one extreme to the other it can hurt, but it also can be rewarding.
The Third question: Who has your heart? God, Wife and family.
How is it that they “have your life”. God has my heart because he has been watching every move, guiding my every step. I can’t explain to you how many times he has been there for me. Or even possibly explain to you the things he has done for me. But what I can say is that he is an amazing God.
Just one very vague instance, I say this because I have learned that sharing my testimonies with everyone sometimes, the point that I am trying to get across doesn’t always register with a lot of people. So I say this hoping you all understand , if not sort of pick up what you need , so I say this with great respect, every time I think I know something or do something I am humbled. One morning I was praying to God for clarity, and I got it.
My beautiful Wife, that alone is a testimony in itself, because I tell you what, without her I don’t know what life would be like. This journey my family and I have been on, have been rough and rugged, but almost everyone knows that everything in my life was never easy. One of the greatest gifts God has blessed me with is perseverance. I say this humbly because God didn’t bless me with smarts, but he has given me what I needed, and in this world it is God, my beautiful wife, and my beautiful kids. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for my God, wife and Kids.
I would like to end with this you could spend the rest of your life wanting love or you could spend the rest of it receiving love. I find it easier for me to receive it. My amazing God, wife and family have all humbled me, and taught me this. It is easy to give up. That is what makes life so great, and that is what makes it so worth it, because if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it. You know for 8 yrs of my life I have been searching, it took me 22 yrs to find and receive God’s love; it took me 8 yrs, to be with the greatest women in the world. Love is always out there. I love you dear, I love you so much. I may not be there to show you, but I am. I love you.
John 15:9 “I have loved you as the father has loved me, remain in my love.”
Thursday, August 21, 2008
August 21, 2008 in year of our Lord
Psalms 144:1-2
"You train my hands for war, and you give my fingers skill for battle."
"You are my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, and my rescuer. You are my shield and I take refuge in you."
THANK YOU LORD FOR MY MANY BLESSINGS
John 15:9
"I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love."
I was watching a movie it was called the Last Samuri, and in that movie a man retreated to the hills, his villiage and said "you could spend the rest of your life looking for that perfect Blossom." he said this as he looked at a tree that had many blossoms. I put myself in tom cruz shoes (now I know I am not tom cruz, and or good looking enough but bare with me) who he was talking to and I said to my self, what would I have said to him? and I know now, what I would have said to him. That I am that tree, and like it my life is full of perfect blossoms. The earth God has laid down for me as my foundation, and me being the tree, and my branches and pefect blossoms being my wife, kids and family. so see I understand now that most people could spend the rest of there life growing, or looking for that perfect blossom, I have realized some times you just have to sit and enjoy the beauty of the ones given to you, because every thing given and made by God is perfect in its own way, for God's purpose not ours.
To my amazing Wife,
You are my perfect Blossom, I could sit for hours and just watch you. In my life I have made mistakes too. tried to look for the one who I could turn my heart over too. God had other plans. for many years I have prayed to love someone as much as I love you. but that road has already been paved, and at the end of that 8 year road. I married the most Beautiful, Godly women in the world. and I have been blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with you darling. My nights are very lonley too. but you know in the end I get to come home to the most beautiful wife in the world, and the greatest kids ever. Stay strong in your faith darling, and know that I always love you.
To my Family,
Everyone had an amazing role in my up bringing. I am who I am today because of the love that everybody in my family has shown me. I love you all and thank you all for your support and love.
Howie
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My heart is breaking
But as I sat there in bed praying and telling God how I want my husband, how I want him here to hold me, to smile at me, to tell me he loves me, God expressed that he knew. He reminded me that He is my husband and my strength. It doesn't completely take the hurt away to know that God cares about my every tear but it does give me comfort that He is here holding me even closer during this lonely time in my life...
Note to self: stay away from the romantic movies!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Jealousy in the House
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Am I crazy?
When I was a little girl, I remember the echoing words of my step-dad (who I so dearly adored), "LuLu, you have too many irons in the fire!" A phrase that I didn't figure out until years later...later being when he lovingly said, "LuLu, you're just like me, you've got too many irons in the fire." So the story of my life! It was that way then, it is that way now, and I suspect that it will be that way later. Why would I want to change when this is my normalicy? I love my life.
So, to another point of crazy. I have four kids, two dogs, oh, and my amazing husband. Do I need more? Probably not.Will I take more? You bet'cha! As a child, my heart was as big as Texas. Life lessons taught me to be careful with my heart and guard it. God opened it back up... I love his blessings! If God wants to put more in my path to love, then I will give it my whole heart. My prayer is to love as God loves, how am I to do that if I say "no?" So, what I say is...."Give it to me, Lord, all you've got. But with it, Lord, please give me your grace to handle it." BRING IT ON!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
This is Growth
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
So now I live my life, serving God as a military wife and as some say, "serving on the homefront" but I wouldn't trade it for anthing. I know that God has brought me thru trials in my life to prepare me and make me strong for the role I now have. May He use me for His purpose and may I enjoy the ride...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
If I had of listened to my mamma...
If I had of listened to my mamma, I wouldn't have skinned my knee so many times as a kid.
If I had of listened to my mamma, I would have made better grades in school and gone straight into college.
If I had of listened to my mamma, I wouldn't have had my heart broken so many times.
If I had of listened to my mamma, maybe we would be best friends.
If I had of listened to my mamma, I would have never cried as many tears in my lifetime.
What it she had of listened to her mamma, what would I be like?
If I had of listened to my mamma, I would never have found my soulmate.
Will my daughter listen to her mamma?
Saturday, August 9, 2008
To start this off
To begin with I am currently 25 years old with 4 kids and a great husband, but it wasn't always so. I have sowed some oats and reaped their consequences, plenty to be sure. My hubby and I have known and loved each other for 10 years, since I was 15 and he was 17, but our paths didn't intersect and join together for 8 years. Eight very hard years for me, but two kids and two failed marriages with another failed relationship in between later...I accepted God into my life and allowed him to work in me and through me, during which time, Howard accepted Christ as well. In return for our faithfulness, God has blessed us with a terrific marriage, two more children and just all-around happiness.
And so our story begins.