It all happens for a reason, but ENOUGH is ENOUGH

Okay, so now I am to the point of utterly and completely STRESSED! Yesterday started off as a really super day. Aside from the battle of having 4 kids shopping in the mall, two of which had colds and were 3 hours past naps, I found some really great deals and was able to purchase almost everything on my list...plus SOOOO much more, and still stay within my budget. GREAT. AWESOME! But as the day progressed, I feel like my stability of sanity collapsed.
It had been planned for several days that a lady from our church would come over at 5:30 to sit with my kids so that I could drive one of our vehicles to the dealership to offer it up for sale. As I had said, two of my kids were sick (despite me taking them shopping all day), so because I didnt have her number, I periodically emailed her via blackberry to let her know that I didnt feel like she should come over; to terminate our prior plans. Well, my house was a complete disaster, my babies were crying, I was tired and this sweet lady pulled into my drive. She had not checked her email all day and had no clue that I had even sent one. But despite my pleas, she was comfortable with keeping sick kids and urged me to go. I was so unprepared and I quickly became rushed dealing with preparation to sell the car amongst trying to sneak away from my crying one year old. The lady soon told me that she would keep the baby and I would take my one year old with me. Good idea. But amongst the chaos, my sister called...no time to talk, so I didnt answer. Then I repeatedly ran in and out of the house, from one vehicle to the next, then realizing that I didnt have my billfold with my i.d.'s. IMPORTANT. So I ran back in, probably a few more times after that, and then finally backed out of the driveway.
About a half of a mile up the road I did a check to make sure that I made it out of the house with all of the necessities learning that my billford was nowhere to be found in the car or on me or in my diaper bag. So,...I turned around and went back to the house. Frantically, I searched every room and turned up empty handed. Lord, please dont let me have laid it on top of the car and drove off. So, with this fear in mind, I leave again, driving slowely up the road looking for it to be lying in or beside the road. Nada. ZIP. So I decide to pull into the gas station at the end of the road to look the car over again, under the baby, under his car seat, but then I get an urgent text from my sister whom I had previously ignored.
WHOOF....my air is gone. BREATH! BREATH! I didnt know what to think. I still dont know what to think. Such horrible news and I am so far away. Not only am I so far away in terms of miles but in relationship as well. Before I knew God, I was guilty of idolizing a person. He was on a pedestal in my eyes. I seen his wrong, but it was okay because he was such a big part of my life and I loved him tremendously... I still do. That will never change, no matter what he thinks of me. But 2 years ago I convinced my heart to believe that he was dead. Not physically, but emotionally and I have yet to complete the grievance process. But because of my displacement, I am not supposed to know. How do I deal with this? I want to be selfish and run home but our relationship is broken and hasnt been fixed in hopes of saving him grief. If I go running home, his life will be turned upside down...I would be stomping on his heart. Of all of the things I am or of all of the things I have been accused of, I am not selfish, at least not often. I allow my heart to be wrenched from my chest to leave me breathless on the floor just to save someone else the heartache. So it is now...I want so much to be selfish and mend broken bridges before it is too late so that I dont have to live the rest of my life with the REAL pain of loosing someone when they are angry with me; but if I think of me, I hurt him and his home life. Lord, where am I to be in all of this?
SO, I looked all day and the billfold is still gone. If I hadn't of lost it, I wouldnt have called my sister back until way later. If I hadnt of called her back at that moment, she might have thought twice about telling me, which might have changed the course of our relationship forever. So, Lord, I know that everything happens for a reason. I lost my billfold for a reason greater than I want to comprehend. But geeze, enough is enough all ready. I have enough stress just piled on that I dont need to worry about canceling debit cards, filing for a new military ID, trying to get another Arizona drivers license, or filing for new social security cards for my whole family...revelation please.