ALONE

"Am I really doing this alone?" This question haunts me from time to time these past few weeks. Some days fly by without the slightest thought of the struggles I am up against but some days I feel the weight bearing down on me threatening to plunge my heart into the abyss of self-pity. Millions of women raise children alone. Millions of women put their children to bed at night and tell them that they can see their daddy this weekend or they say prayers for Daddy in Heaven. My children and I say prayers that we can see Daddy again before we get to Heaven. I have to tell them that they will get to see Daddy again next summer and I assure them that he is okay and safe. There is a sort of pain in that prayer, trusting that God will keep him safe though I have no clue as to where exactly he is at or what he is doing...though there is an apprehension and yet a peace in the unknown.
Daddy calls me and assures me that I am doing a good job taking care of our family while he is off doing what he does, but I still step back and think "how can I do this?" Brydon is at an age where he is very torn that his Daddy is away, though he is proud to say that his Daddy serves our country! It is very cute. Tonight he declared that HE will one day join the forces in serving our country and I had to remind him of Daddy's wishes that he get a college education FIRST.
Back to point and back on my soap box, I struggle with the thought of truly being alone. But then just like He always does, God, ever-so-politely, reminds me that He is in charge, not me and that I am not alone. It is very humbling. Imagine, drowning in your own pity, almost pridefully...like I am proud to pity myself or something, and then just pushed off my soap box in an instant with the realization that I have no right to complain because I am not alone! Not that I want to pity myself but it almost gives you a sense of power over your life...STRANGE. But that is just it, With every earmark of my life, God has been shaping me up for this moment in my life. This moment to reveal his glory. That is what it is about. Being a light in a darkened world. And though we are all called to be that light, we are all called to do it differently at different seasons. I just envision Christmas lights. All strung up lighting the night so beautifully and though they are all working together to achieve the same result of beauty, they are different colors places strategically along the line. That is us, God's children. We are all different colors lighting up the night and though we appear to be suspended in the darkness by ourselves, there is a wire in the background holding is up. That wire is God. Whimsical analogy, I know but that is what God just put on my heart at this moment. So I am not alone. I am only one light in the darkness working alongside the other lights to reveal God's glory and though those in the dark cant see the wire in the background stringing the lights together, God is there, holding myself and all the others up so that we can reveal his beauty. May He be glorified by my life. May my struggles and triumphs bring him praise. He is worthy. Thank you Lord that you hold me up when I feel like I cant stand. Thank you for loving me with the greatest and purest of loves. Use me Lord, use me for your purpose and may your will be done in and through my life. May you be magnified!