Vindicated-vin-di-cate [vin-di-keyt]
-verb (used with object), -cat.ed, -cat.ing.
1. to clear, as from an accusation, imputation, suspicion, or the like: to vindicate someone's honor.
2. to afford justification for; justify, subsequent events vindicated his policy.
3. to uphold or justify by argument or evidence: to vindicate a claim.
4. to assert, maintain, or defend (a right, cause, etc.) against opposition.
5. to claim for oneself or another
6. Roman and Civil Law to regain possession, under claim of title of property through legal procedure, or to assert one's right to possession.
7. to get revenge for; avenge
8. obsolete. to deliver from; liberate
9. obsolete. to punish
November 2007...He came home heartbroken. His dreams shattered. Eight years of dedication and sacrifice stripped away with his honor, by the choice a man who seen him as just some Bible thumper who did not have his priorities in line, according to a social mind-set though not according to the Word of God. As he walked thru the door, my heart, that had prayed feverently for days and sick with anxiety, was broken as well. The pain on his face made the realization materialize that not only was his dreams and accomplishments in vain but that our family was now in a financial crises though still committed to live this military lifestyle with the exception of the luxuries that we had come to know and depend on.
Knowing that, with all of my sound intentions, I could not comfort my husband at this moment, I resorted to leave him laying in his own despair and thoughts and sit on the back deck, grabbing my Bible in the motion. As I sat with my bible in my lap, I cried out to the God of my hope, my rock, my fortress...my God who did not answer my prayers and grant us our hearts desire in that moment of decision. God why? God why? God WHY??? I screamed in my thoughts as the tears rolled down my face. In hope and faith, I opened by Bible.
Job 12... Okay, this seems appropriate, I guess. So there I began:Job 12:1 " Then Job replied: Doubtless you are the people, and wisdom will die with you!......" God why cant you just give me the answers that I need where I can understand? WHY!? WHY!? and so, I continued reading...Job 12:6 "The tents of marauders are undisturbed, and those who provoke God are secure--those who carry their god in their hands." ~SPLAT~ No, No, God...Why? A bird? REALLY? After all of this today, now a bird is going to POOP on my bible, my most treasured possession!!?? and so I cried..... I took a business card that was in my bible case and carefully scraped the gooey mess from the page opposite of what I was reading and finally found my resolve to continue reading where I left off. Job 12:7 "But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you;" Huh? No way? In haste I scrolled to the wet spot on the opposite page. Job 13:13 "Keep silent and let me speak; then let come to me what may. Why do I put my life in jeopardy and take my life in my hands? Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face. Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverence, for no godless man would dare come near him! Listen carefully to my words; let your ears take in what I say. Now that I have prepared my case, I know I will be vindicated." Now, with even more haste, I urgently ran to my husband to bring him comfort from God's Word...
Very shortly after, I found out that I was prgnant with our 4th child. After a previous very ill NICU baby, this pregnancy proved to be incredibly difficult both physically and in faith. Because of the trials of the prior November, my husband was able to be present for the pregnancy (both in and out of the hospital), delivery, and NICU stay for our premie baby before deploying for 12 months, a feet that I would have endoured alone if things had not of transpired in the manner that they did.
Now, nearly 3 years later, we have kept the faith through a 12 month deployment, prevailed through yet another difficult pregnancy and sick newborn, and encountered numorous other trials while still clinging to the promise of God. Our 5th baby, Danae (vindicate) Ayana (He answers) Kalin (faithful), is our outward confession of that faith as well as our license plate which reads "VINDKTD" LOL. We trust in God's Word....as we are waiting (still). I cannot wait for the day that we can leap with the joy of our testimony that had made us lame. God has so much in store for us all but we must keep our eyes on Him.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, March 2, 2009
I WAS defeated
WOW! Today was one of those days...One of those hair-raising, frustrating, make you wanna quit days. It was a day that I had to literally call upon the Lord to just get our math done. No one ever said that homeschooling the children would be easy,in fact, I new prior to the commitment that it would be the hardest endeavour that I would ever embark upon.
This morning we awoke to a beautiful white landscaped yard. The brilliant white was enormously enticing to the kids so I used it to my advantage, knowing full-well that kids almost always have one up on the parents. But I did anyway and encouraged the kids to speed thru their chores and hop right onto school work so that they could play outside.
In the beginning, it was going great. They were motivated beyond motivation. But soon the neighbor kids were all in the street and in the creek behind the house sliding down inclines and throwing snowballs. My children eagerly watched out the window and tried to focus. It was very hard for them but they were doing so well. But as it usually does, the good has its end and we started to struggle. I would help one child as the other would pout because they were stuck and needed my help as well.It was a very stressful predicament. They had so much bottled up intensity and anxiety over getting finished that they became frustrated when "teacher-mom" couldn't help them as quickly as they had hoped because I was in the process of helping their sibling,not to mention, carrying around an infant and occupying and two-year old. More stress than I bargained for over manipulating this little snow day. FOR SURE. But soon enough they were done.
So once again, I was reminded today that God's grace is sufficient. It was frustrating to a point that I wondered why I was battling to home school my two oldest children while I had two demanding young ones at my feet vying for my attention as well. God reminded me that when he blessed me with children, he was putting their training and future in my hands. That this is not a task that I can lightly passed off to someone that I do not know because ultimately, it is MY responsibility to train my children up in the way that they should go because God promises that if I am diligent to do so that they will not depart from that. With such a hefty promise, if I were to expect someone else to train my children, then what will I have to complain about when they are teenagers and I can't control them...it would be on my head, if they want to rebel against me, I want to know full-well that I did EVERYTHING in my power to raise them right. Their salvation is MY responsibility as their parent and God gives me the opportunity to chose who my children are subjected to and what kinds of influences they are around. Not saying that I am hoping that this is the key to having godly young adults, but I do believe that it is a help. That showing the kids that I love God and them so much that I lovingly and gladly take on that full role and responsibility, carrying the full weight of their upbringing upon my shoulders, and that choosing the influences whom they come encounter with, as well as, ensuring that they have vast interaction with other children who are being raised in christian homes. I pray that these efforts will encourage my children to grow in love that is so lacking in our society and culture.
Please, readers, don't think that I am short-changing you if you have your children in public school, I am in no way judging you. I am solely expressing my conviction on raising my children. The conviction that I was reminded of today as well as multiple day of our school year.
So, off of my box...sorry about that. My point for blogging tonight is just that in the midst of defeated thoughts God's grace was there. HE was there. He gave me the grace to get through our school work with our sanity--at least part of it, and he reminded why I chose to do it in the first place, giving me a renewed strength.
I know that my situation may seem trivial to some of you, but I know that all can relate. In those moments that we feel like it just isn't worth continuing, when we want to walk away, walk out the door, drive off and forget. Just give up. God is there. He is always there. I have a vision of a bee in a glass jar...bear with me...but think for a moment of a bee contained in the glass jar. You can faintly hear him buzzing inside as he whizzes around searching for an escape route, but then when you take the lid off, immediately, you can distinctively hear the sound of his wings...buzzzzzzzz. Got the picture? So now apply that in those moments of defeat, take the lid off of God and listen to him buzz as he renews you. Ask him for ears that hear his voice and for his peace amidst the chaos. He is ever so faithful to do so. He ROCKS!
This morning we awoke to a beautiful white landscaped yard. The brilliant white was enormously enticing to the kids so I used it to my advantage, knowing full-well that kids almost always have one up on the parents. But I did anyway and encouraged the kids to speed thru their chores and hop right onto school work so that they could play outside.
In the beginning, it was going great. They were motivated beyond motivation. But soon the neighbor kids were all in the street and in the creek behind the house sliding down inclines and throwing snowballs. My children eagerly watched out the window and tried to focus. It was very hard for them but they were doing so well. But as it usually does, the good has its end and we started to struggle. I would help one child as the other would pout because they were stuck and needed my help as well.It was a very stressful predicament. They had so much bottled up intensity and anxiety over getting finished that they became frustrated when "teacher-mom" couldn't help them as quickly as they had hoped because I was in the process of helping their sibling,not to mention, carrying around an infant and occupying and two-year old. More stress than I bargained for over manipulating this little snow day. FOR SURE. But soon enough they were done.
So once again, I was reminded today that God's grace is sufficient. It was frustrating to a point that I wondered why I was battling to home school my two oldest children while I had two demanding young ones at my feet vying for my attention as well. God reminded me that when he blessed me with children, he was putting their training and future in my hands. That this is not a task that I can lightly passed off to someone that I do not know because ultimately, it is MY responsibility to train my children up in the way that they should go because God promises that if I am diligent to do so that they will not depart from that. With such a hefty promise, if I were to expect someone else to train my children, then what will I have to complain about when they are teenagers and I can't control them...it would be on my head, if they want to rebel against me, I want to know full-well that I did EVERYTHING in my power to raise them right. Their salvation is MY responsibility as their parent and God gives me the opportunity to chose who my children are subjected to and what kinds of influences they are around. Not saying that I am hoping that this is the key to having godly young adults, but I do believe that it is a help. That showing the kids that I love God and them so much that I lovingly and gladly take on that full role and responsibility, carrying the full weight of their upbringing upon my shoulders, and that choosing the influences whom they come encounter with, as well as, ensuring that they have vast interaction with other children who are being raised in christian homes. I pray that these efforts will encourage my children to grow in love that is so lacking in our society and culture.
Please, readers, don't think that I am short-changing you if you have your children in public school, I am in no way judging you. I am solely expressing my conviction on raising my children. The conviction that I was reminded of today as well as multiple day of our school year.
So, off of my box...sorry about that. My point for blogging tonight is just that in the midst of defeated thoughts God's grace was there. HE was there. He gave me the grace to get through our school work with our sanity--at least part of it, and he reminded why I chose to do it in the first place, giving me a renewed strength.
I know that my situation may seem trivial to some of you, but I know that all can relate. In those moments that we feel like it just isn't worth continuing, when we want to walk away, walk out the door, drive off and forget. Just give up. God is there. He is always there. I have a vision of a bee in a glass jar...bear with me...but think for a moment of a bee contained in the glass jar. You can faintly hear him buzzing inside as he whizzes around searching for an escape route, but then when you take the lid off, immediately, you can distinctively hear the sound of his wings...buzzzzzzzz. Got the picture? So now apply that in those moments of defeat, take the lid off of God and listen to him buzz as he renews you. Ask him for ears that hear his voice and for his peace amidst the chaos. He is ever so faithful to do so. He ROCKS!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
God Answers Prayers
My God answers prayers! Even those for material possessions!
Okay so for a filler on the circumstance to my prayer: One year ago my husband's job changed as did his pay...by an extreme amount. Such an extreme amount that I am amazed that we even survived without losing BOTH of our houses. It was THAT much! But in this transition, we sold our pickup to keep ourselves afloat because it was fairly new, in good sellable condition, and paid for. Not the most brilliant of ideas! But hey, we still have our houses and our other vehicle (small car) and we are still able to eat. But with a large family, one that at the time had a baby in the oven, that little car is just a wee-tad too small, or at least when Daddy is home. With Daddy gone, we can squeeze two car seats in the back with a wedge of space left for a small rear-end and a booster seat in the front seat, but no dog...poor Maggie.
Late in my pregnancy, our dear friends in Germany blessed us with their Pathfinder to use while they are overseas. It was an incredible blessing to be able to have a few more inches (3 or 4) between the kiddos but it was still VERY tight. But tight or no tight, we have been in preparation for this trip back to Texas for several months, in which we prayed and laid claim that we would have a bigger, free or nearly free vehicle by November. We set the month to November because I was unsure of a day but sure of the month that we would leave.
Well, the first of November came and went and there was no vehicle in our sights. I have been so bummed. Our beloved friends encouraged me to take their Pathfinder to Texas saying that is why they left it with us...to be a blessing. So, I reluctantly gave in to the fact that I was not getting my very own larger vehicle anytime soon and that we would just have to make do in their vehicle even though I was beside myself for putting that many miles on their car.
Today, after church, November 9th, I drug out the car-top carrier and went to work trying to put it atop the Pathfinder to find that the brackets did not fit the nerf bars, so I began to devise a means to make it work. About an hour and a half into my endeavor, after I had snapped at the kids for talking to me, made my back ache, and was about ready to throw the whole thing in the garbage and rent a UHAUL, my neighbor came over with some papers and stickers for my kids.
As I was standing their unloading my anxiety onto her hoping she would figure out that I didnt have the time to talk because I was too busy getting prepared to leave she asked me a question that she had meant to ask me a week ago. Would I like to buy her mini van from her since she recently got another one....hmmm. It is nice...how much would she ask for it?...can she hang onto it until I get back from my trip?...could I even get financed with this economy? As these things were pouring through my mind, she asked if I would like to walk over and take a look at it. So, I hesitantly did knowing that I probably could not afford it.
Like I said, my God answers prayers. We signed title and added insurance tonight. I can afford to pay them from my checking account though they said not to until after my trip and to just pay them however I wanted to over a year (I will pay them sooner), and we put my car-top carrier, which fits, on it tonight! How funny is our God? And what about his timing? Was he testing my patience our what? I just cant stop laughing at Him tonight!
Okay so for a filler on the circumstance to my prayer: One year ago my husband's job changed as did his pay...by an extreme amount. Such an extreme amount that I am amazed that we even survived without losing BOTH of our houses. It was THAT much! But in this transition, we sold our pickup to keep ourselves afloat because it was fairly new, in good sellable condition, and paid for. Not the most brilliant of ideas! But hey, we still have our houses and our other vehicle (small car) and we are still able to eat. But with a large family, one that at the time had a baby in the oven, that little car is just a wee-tad too small, or at least when Daddy is home. With Daddy gone, we can squeeze two car seats in the back with a wedge of space left for a small rear-end and a booster seat in the front seat, but no dog...poor Maggie.
Late in my pregnancy, our dear friends in Germany blessed us with their Pathfinder to use while they are overseas. It was an incredible blessing to be able to have a few more inches (3 or 4) between the kiddos but it was still VERY tight. But tight or no tight, we have been in preparation for this trip back to Texas for several months, in which we prayed and laid claim that we would have a bigger, free or nearly free vehicle by November. We set the month to November because I was unsure of a day but sure of the month that we would leave.
Well, the first of November came and went and there was no vehicle in our sights. I have been so bummed. Our beloved friends encouraged me to take their Pathfinder to Texas saying that is why they left it with us...to be a blessing. So, I reluctantly gave in to the fact that I was not getting my very own larger vehicle anytime soon and that we would just have to make do in their vehicle even though I was beside myself for putting that many miles on their car.
Today, after church, November 9th, I drug out the car-top carrier and went to work trying to put it atop the Pathfinder to find that the brackets did not fit the nerf bars, so I began to devise a means to make it work. About an hour and a half into my endeavor, after I had snapped at the kids for talking to me, made my back ache, and was about ready to throw the whole thing in the garbage and rent a UHAUL, my neighbor came over with some papers and stickers for my kids.
As I was standing their unloading my anxiety onto her hoping she would figure out that I didnt have the time to talk because I was too busy getting prepared to leave she asked me a question that she had meant to ask me a week ago. Would I like to buy her mini van from her since she recently got another one....hmmm. It is nice...how much would she ask for it?...can she hang onto it until I get back from my trip?...could I even get financed with this economy? As these things were pouring through my mind, she asked if I would like to walk over and take a look at it. So, I hesitantly did knowing that I probably could not afford it.
Like I said, my God answers prayers. We signed title and added insurance tonight. I can afford to pay them from my checking account though they said not to until after my trip and to just pay them however I wanted to over a year (I will pay them sooner), and we put my car-top carrier, which fits, on it tonight! How funny is our God? And what about his timing? Was he testing my patience our what? I just cant stop laughing at Him tonight!
Friday, October 24, 2008
I am fed up with all of you CHRISTIANS!!!
Do you know that 85% of Americans claim to be Christians? That is 224,457,000 people. That means that only 15% of our country's people are of either some other religion or are atheist and believe nothing at all. That is crazy! Do you realize that you could walk into Wal-Mart filled with 100 people and ask them if they believe in God, statically, 85 people would answer yes. But here's the kicker, what if you then asked those 85 people what they did with their "Christianity?" Do they...
REMEMBER this in our election...
- Do they regularly attend church to be in the presence of the Lord and the body of believers or do they just sit in the back pew of the church to earn feel good points for the week? Do they attend church at all?
- Do they thank God continually throughout the day for the unnoticed blessings is in their life?
- Do they offer prayer to the sick woman standing in line at the grocery store or do they just pray that she doesn't come close enough to catch what she has and quietly condemn her for going out in public like that?
- Do they teach their children about the Lord?
- Do they admit to their friends that they are a "Christian" with firm moral values or do they just pass forwarded emails around with the hope of receiving a blessing for sending it to 7 people while hoping that those 7 people don't get offended and take them off of their friends list?
- Do they organize ministry to reach out to those who are lost?
- Do they offer their time to others who are organizing ministry to those who are lost?
- Do they even know the price to claim to be a "Christian" in persecuted countries? Do they care?
- Do these people do anything other than claim that they are a "Christian?" Do they know the definition of "Christian?"
- Do they know what Christ taught?
REMEMBER this in our election...
Monday, October 20, 2008
What a Wonderful Surprise
I love to brag on my adoring husband and today is no different. God has definitely blessed me with all I could ever ask for out of a man: he loves our Lord and makes an honest and conscience effort to put God first above our relationship and family, he is very passionate about our family and strives to be a good and present daddy (work-willing), he loves me tenderly with his every breath making me feel like I am the most important woman in the world and has tremendous faith in all that I do or think about doing. He is amazing. He is beautiful, inside and out, and I have to admit, I was a little jealous when I was told by a neighbor that he was sexy and she liked to watch him when he would go out for a run in nothing but combat boots and his little shorty-short shorts! Ahhh, hmmm, still not sure how to take that one... lol. But if you haven't figured it out yet, I am crazy about that man. I might not always act like it to him, he may not see me adoringly stare at the back of his head when he is playing with the kids, or me breaking my neck to watch him walk away when he is wearing his green cammies. He may not realize how giddy and impatient I get when I know he is off work and on his way home or how many times a day I think about him, especially now in his absence, but I do. I love that man.
I have mentioned before that God always knows the right moments and he is ever faithful to pull me out of my own pit of pity. I love God. I love my husband. I just cant say it enough tonight. But to get on with it... The last few days have been a far cry from warm. I have worn both a full length leather coat and a knee length wool coat and was still cold, so imagine my house when I was defiantly rebelling to turn the heater on this early in the year. Needless to say, I finally caved on that one.
I can get through my days now with little thought to my loneliness. This is probably due to my nonstop schedule of being a mommy of four, but it isn't so at night, especially on cold nights. My hubby generates enormous amounts of heat. I call him my furnace in the winter months but I can hardly cuddly up too close for long periods of time in the summer because of this. Oh, but how wonderful it is on a cold winter night to curl up on his arm with my back to his stomach enveloped in his other arm. So safe. So secure. And oh so warm! I love it, which brings me back to my point, sorry about the wondering thoughts there. lol.
It SUCKS to climb into a cold bed and have to generate my own heat!!! I think I need a heating blanket for this season. So, I've been a little bummed. I've had trouble sleeping. And just once again reminded of his absence. And voila!!! I walked outside to take something to my neighbor to see a delivery van in my driveway. He asked if I was "Jones," "sho nuff" I said. He said he had some flowers. I said,"another set of Jones' live two houses down" and he said "no this is you, you got a boyfriend?" I said no, got a husband in another country." He said, "I'll be your boyfriend!" I thanked the 70 something year old man and walked away feeling refreshed.
My bible study asks, "Am I lovely?" Today, I felt lovely, loved, adored, cherished, and wanted. Sunflowers are my FAVORITE flower, red is my FAVORITE color, red roses are the flower of love. And so he thought of ME with red roses and sunflowers on this cold and lonely day. My heavenly father showered his grace on me by using my wonderful husband. Today the love rained down.
And to my Dear Hubby, if you get to log on and read this, I love you, I adore you, and I cherish you.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
What a wonderful man
I didn't find it today. BUMMER. In fact, I stressed myself out today to the point of panicked tears and just like God always does, he intervened in my little pity party. My hubby called at that precise moment.
Normally, a man would be upset with his wife for loosing 3 ATM cards, 2 department store cards (that I shouldn't even have), social security numbers, military id, and out of state drivers license, but not my wonderful hubby. He had only loving words of encouragement, walked me through processes of canceling cards over the Internet and assured me that we will get it all taken care of in time for my extended trip to Texas. What a wonderful man, if I can brag on my hubby for a sec, he is mine...
What a wonderful husband I have. He is slow to anger and forgives quickly. He could easily be angry with me for jeopardizing our whole financial/credit future but instead, he is loving and optimistic. Man, I love him.
I have lived a life before I came to Christ and just as I can vouch that raising kids with versus apart from God are too radically different approaches, I can vouch that being married to a man who centers our marriage around our heavenly Father is much different than being married to a man who just believes he is a christian just because he believes that a god exists. I love the adage, you can sit in you garage all day long and say, "I'm a car, I'm a car," but that doesn't make you a car. Living apart from God is no longer an avenue that I choose to take and I am so thankful that I have a hubby who loves our Lord just as much to travel this dusty trail with...even if we are oceans apart right now.
Lord, thank you for my husband. Thank you that you paired me with someone who can walk through this world with me and uplift me in those moments when I feel desperate and apart. Thank you that you never fail to bring me up out of my pit, that you use tools and people that I can relate to to see your glory and love. Lord, I ask for your hand to always be on our lives and marriage. I pray that your favor be upon my husband and that he return home safely. May your glory reign on this earth. May your light shine and push out the darkness.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Perfect Parent...what?
Where is the line between good parenting and bad parenting? I wish there was a line to draw, but I am beginning to realize that there is NO "perfect" parent out there who can parent perfectly. This is my current dilemma as I continue on my course of learning the how's, do's, and don't of raising children...but may I mind you, not just any children, but godly children.
I am in my 8th year of parenting and my 3rd year of raising godly children. With 5 years under my belt of the befores, I can definitely vouch that there is as big of a difference in the two parenting styles as night and day. As much as I try to be a "good" parent, sometimes I feel like I carry the title of a "bad" parent. Such a heavy burden.
"Am I a failure at this???"
"Should I give up on raising godly children and just go back to the befores?"
"Where is my help when I am all alone?"
"Where is the grace for my children's mistakes on their journey of growth?"
These are the questions that speed through my head amongst the jumbled clutter of a chaotic mind. The answer I get..."Be still and know...be still and know." Be still and know what? "That I am God." Now I am more than aggravated at the planet for my children's broken hearts and my over-bearing desire to give up along with my feelings of failure, but now I am aggravated at God for just telling me to sit down and shut-up like I am a little kid my self. Oh!!!!! Light bulb!!! I am a little kid! I am just a child to God and I am forever learning and being disciplined myself by THE perfect parent. And yes, I do need to sit down and shut-up. I need to leave my feelings of desolation and frustration out of the mix and leave it to God. I need to trust in HIM alone for my children. Seek HIM alone for the answers to my parenting questions and let HIM resolve any conflict that arises.
Tonight the kids and I studied Proverbs 10 and in just that one chapter, God spoke so many things; "the Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, " "hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs," and "he who holds his tongue is wise." God is not going to let my prayers for my children be in vain, nor is he going to allow my efforts to raise godly children be in vain. Though other people may not grant grace to my children for their mistakes, they are only human facing their own trials in this same rotten world, but God gives them grace just as he gives me grace for not being a perfect parent. And if I hold my tongue not speaking in a manner that might be misconstrued, but be steadfast in prayer with patience and love, God's glory will be revealed.Thank you Lord that you are a God of patience, grace, and love. Help me Lord to see and love others the way you see and love them. Help me to parent my children according to your Word extending mercy and grace to them just as you have for me. Give me patience with each child and reveal to me which areas in each child's life that needs to be tended to at each particular moment that it is needed. Please fill myself and my children with your holy presence and may we be beacons for your kingdom.
I am in my 8th year of parenting and my 3rd year of raising godly children. With 5 years under my belt of the befores, I can definitely vouch that there is as big of a difference in the two parenting styles as night and day. As much as I try to be a "good" parent, sometimes I feel like I carry the title of a "bad" parent. Such a heavy burden.
"Am I a failure at this???"
"Should I give up on raising godly children and just go back to the befores?"
"Where is my help when I am all alone?"
"Where is the grace for my children's mistakes on their journey of growth?"
These are the questions that speed through my head amongst the jumbled clutter of a chaotic mind. The answer I get..."Be still and know...be still and know." Be still and know what? "That I am God." Now I am more than aggravated at the planet for my children's broken hearts and my over-bearing desire to give up along with my feelings of failure, but now I am aggravated at God for just telling me to sit down and shut-up like I am a little kid my self. Oh!!!!! Light bulb!!! I am a little kid! I am just a child to God and I am forever learning and being disciplined myself by THE perfect parent. And yes, I do need to sit down and shut-up. I need to leave my feelings of desolation and frustration out of the mix and leave it to God. I need to trust in HIM alone for my children. Seek HIM alone for the answers to my parenting questions and let HIM resolve any conflict that arises.
Tonight the kids and I studied Proverbs 10 and in just that one chapter, God spoke so many things; "the Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, " "hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs," and "he who holds his tongue is wise." God is not going to let my prayers for my children be in vain, nor is he going to allow my efforts to raise godly children be in vain. Though other people may not grant grace to my children for their mistakes, they are only human facing their own trials in this same rotten world, but God gives them grace just as he gives me grace for not being a perfect parent. And if I hold my tongue not speaking in a manner that might be misconstrued, but be steadfast in prayer with patience and love, God's glory will be revealed.Thank you Lord that you are a God of patience, grace, and love. Help me Lord to see and love others the way you see and love them. Help me to parent my children according to your Word extending mercy and grace to them just as you have for me. Give me patience with each child and reveal to me which areas in each child's life that needs to be tended to at each particular moment that it is needed. Please fill myself and my children with your holy presence and may we be beacons for your kingdom.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
My heart is breaking
So, I am going through the motions. I have spent my entire life priding myself that I was strong at heart and could handle any situation that life threw at me. And though I know I am a strong person, I humbly confess that my heart is breaking. I have gone through the paniced stage of feeling anxious and speed-driven, but now I have reached a new shade of lonely. As I sat in bed for the first time tonight watching a romantic comedy, I finally realized that he is gone for 9 1/2 more months. That every night I will crawl into an empty bed as well as to wake up alone. This morning I had made a pot of coffee and started to go sit on the porch to enjoy it for the first time since he's been gone but then realize how lonely it would be out there without him. When we bought this house, that was our plan...to have coffee on the deck in the mornings, and we did and we enjoy it, but this morning I couldn't do it. I don't mean to play the fiddle on my soap box, but that is the purpose of this blog; to reveal the story behind the smile.
But as I sat there in bed praying and telling God how I want my husband, how I want him here to hold me, to smile at me, to tell me he loves me, God expressed that he knew. He reminded me that He is my husband and my strength. It doesn't completely take the hurt away to know that God cares about my every tear but it does give me comfort that He is here holding me even closer during this lonely time in my life...
Note to self: stay away from the romantic movies!
But as I sat there in bed praying and telling God how I want my husband, how I want him here to hold me, to smile at me, to tell me he loves me, God expressed that he knew. He reminded me that He is my husband and my strength. It doesn't completely take the hurt away to know that God cares about my every tear but it does give me comfort that He is here holding me even closer during this lonely time in my life...
Note to self: stay away from the romantic movies!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Jealousy in the House
We all know that kids get 
jealous and MEN get jealous (I plead the 5th) but do we ever think about animals? Maggie is our older rottie, being 2 1/2 years old, and the more mature having served her time in "the box." Toby, on the other hand, is 1 year old and is like a bull in a china closet...Maggie isn't any more graceful! If you aren't educated on the breed, here's a tidbit: they CHEW! These are not dogs for the faint, that is for sure, but they are amazingly loyal and lovable. I really like them. But "love" is a better word for these two "moose" that share our home.
jealous and MEN get jealous (I plead the 5th) but do we ever think about animals? Maggie is our older rottie, being 2 1/2 years old, and the more mature having served her time in "the box." Toby, on the other hand, is 1 year old and is like a bull in a china closet...Maggie isn't any more graceful! If you aren't educated on the breed, here's a tidbit: they CHEW! These are not dogs for the faint, that is for sure, but they are amazingly loyal and lovable. I really like them. But "love" is a better word for these two "moose" that share our home.Since Toby is "young and dumb" (immature), he is the unfortunate soul that has to sleep in the gianormous crate that makes our living room unsightly to eliminate any desire to munch on furniture or anthing else while we sleep...his reward: a pillow. Since he is our 2nd dog, Maggie having been our number 1 was
the previous owner and inhabitant of "the box." When she prooved that she was mature and trustworthy, she graduated and was then allowed to roam the house and choose her spot to call her bed i.e the floor. For the time span between her graduation and his arrival, "the box" became a fixture of the garage to be seen by nobody up until Toby moved in. At this point, our living room lost what little glam it had aquired and once again has a massive, black, metal crate occupying one of the corners. Okay, so on to point. Each night when the lights go out, I call the infamouse phrase, "Toby, box!," and he willingly,yet reluctantly goes to the box to have the door shut and locked and then lays down to sleep. But not tonight. Tonight, I resigned myself to not write on the blog and instead go to bed for some much needed rest, but as I walk into the living room and to the box to get into my Alpha Stance I noticed he was already there...nope, it wasn't Toby. Toby was laying by my bedroom door snoring and Maggie was occupying "the box," looking at me with a "you better not" attitude on her face. How funny. She is jealous. Though she hated "the box" when it was her's, she is jealous that it has become his.
the previous owner and inhabitant of "the box." When she prooved that she was mature and trustworthy, she graduated and was then allowed to roam the house and choose her spot to call her bed i.e the floor. For the time span between her graduation and his arrival, "the box" became a fixture of the garage to be seen by nobody up until Toby moved in. At this point, our living room lost what little glam it had aquired and once again has a massive, black, metal crate occupying one of the corners. Okay, so on to point. Each night when the lights go out, I call the infamouse phrase, "Toby, box!," and he willingly,yet reluctantly goes to the box to have the door shut and locked and then lays down to sleep. But not tonight. Tonight, I resigned myself to not write on the blog and instead go to bed for some much needed rest, but as I walk into the living room and to the box to get into my Alpha Stance I noticed he was already there...nope, it wasn't Toby. Toby was laying by my bedroom door snoring and Maggie was occupying "the box," looking at me with a "you better not" attitude on her face. How funny. She is jealous. Though she hated "the box" when it was her's, she is jealous that it has become his.
Aren't we all like this? Even over petty things...we see that someone else is enjoying something that we once had and we feel a hint of jealousy. We know that God knows us each individually and wants to give us each our own hearts desires as well as his spiritual gifts, but we as humans want more. We see what God has done for someone else and we compare it to our own lives and begin to wonder what we didn't do right. But God doesn't want us to be envious or jealous. He wants us to trust wholely and completely in him and wait on his timing. He has things in store for us all...Lord, may you guard my heart from envy. May I wait on your blessing!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Am I crazy?
Am I crazy? A rhetorical question but one that needs to be asked redundantly just the same. In my former blogging on myspace, I repetitively referred to my life as "crazy-beautiful" and that is just how I view it. I keep my life so chaotic and yet I love it. As strange as it may sound, I find my sanity among the chaos. The woman with it all together might see me as overwhelmed, overstimulated, too busy, stressed, and cluttered. Maybe I am...maybe my life is so cluttered that the ordinary person wouldn't be able to function, but God gave me a grace that makes it enjoyable for me. I find peace in the banter of it all. I even call myself blessed to have this much on my plate!
When I was a little girl, I remember the echoing words of my step-dad (who I so dearly adored), "LuLu, you have too many irons in the fire!" A phrase that I didn't figure out until years later...later being when he lovingly said, "LuLu, you're just like me, you've got too many irons in the fire." So the story of my life! It was that way then, it is that way now, and I suspect that it will be that way later. Why would I want to change when this is my normalicy? I love my life.
So, to another point of crazy. I have four kids, two dogs, oh, and my amazing husband. Do I need more? Probably not.Will I take more? You bet'cha! As a child, my heart was as big as Texas. Life lessons taught me to be careful with my heart and guard it. God opened it back up... I love his blessings! If God wants to put more in my path to love, then I will give it my whole heart. My prayer is to love as God loves, how am I to do that if I say "no?" So, what I say is...."Give it to me, Lord, all you've got. But with it, Lord, please give me your grace to handle it." BRING IT ON!
When I was a little girl, I remember the echoing words of my step-dad (who I so dearly adored), "LuLu, you have too many irons in the fire!" A phrase that I didn't figure out until years later...later being when he lovingly said, "LuLu, you're just like me, you've got too many irons in the fire." So the story of my life! It was that way then, it is that way now, and I suspect that it will be that way later. Why would I want to change when this is my normalicy? I love my life.
So, to another point of crazy. I have four kids, two dogs, oh, and my amazing husband. Do I need more? Probably not.Will I take more? You bet'cha! As a child, my heart was as big as Texas. Life lessons taught me to be careful with my heart and guard it. God opened it back up... I love his blessings! If God wants to put more in my path to love, then I will give it my whole heart. My prayer is to love as God loves, how am I to do that if I say "no?" So, what I say is...."Give it to me, Lord, all you've got. But with it, Lord, please give me your grace to handle it." BRING IT ON!
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