My heart is breaking

So, I am going through the motions. I have spent my entire life priding myself that I was strong at heart and could handle any situation that life threw at me. And though I know I am a strong person, I humbly confess that my heart is breaking. I have gone through the paniced stage of feeling anxious and speed-driven, but now I have reached a new shade of lonely. As I sat in bed for the first time tonight watching a romantic comedy, I finally realized that he is gone for 9 1/2 more months. That every night I will crawl into an empty bed as well as to wake up alone. This morning I had made a pot of coffee and started to go sit on the porch to enjoy it for the first time since he's been gone but then realize how lonely it would be out there without him. When we bought this house, that was our plan...to have coffee on the deck in the mornings, and we did and we enjoy it, but this morning I couldn't do it. I don't mean to play the fiddle on my soap box, but that is the purpose of this blog; to reveal the story behind the smile.
But as I sat there in bed praying and telling God how I want my husband, how I want him here to hold me, to smile at me, to tell me he loves me, God expressed that he knew. He reminded me that He is my husband and my strength. It doesn't completely take the hurt away to know that God cares about my every tear but it does give me comfort that He is here holding me even closer during this lonely time in my life...
Note to self: stay away from the romantic movies!