To ALL my faithful readers

To all my faithful readers,
Just a little update. I know you will all be pleased to know that the day after my Postal post, I did in fact install the new mail box by the curb. I labored and sweat ferociously that next morning and now, three mail days later, the mail man has not put mail in it. He is bringing it to the door and putting the mail in the box mounted on the wall...and I have left my front door open! Oh well, he can have it his way. I did my part and at least I haven't been visited again by the Post MASTER. Though the day after he did not deliver it, I received two days worth of mail and the previous day's was labeled "unsafe." Go figure...
I love my mail carrier! This must just be some fun game! Thank you Lord for the excitement and challenge of keeping my mannerisms.

The Stink is in the Air

Tonight was a little bit different for the Jonesy Household. We were blessed to have some good friends over for the full day, sharing two meals together, followed by fellowship at their home church. I thought it would be great to step out of my comfort zone and worship in a new light.
So it was. Safe and yet different. Not far out of my comfort zone at all. Probably not any in fact. What has been different though has been this new "attitude." I feel like it is swirling in like cigarette smoke in an enclosed room. At the moment it is a small amount, almost nonthreatening, but I know that soon it is going to engulf my whole house and atmosphere; sbefore long my home is going to wreak of this devastating air named "Bad Attitude."
It is currently making it's fumigating home upon one of my children and this child is becoming increasingly SMELLY! So that is my delima at this time. Quite a challenge when I think of how easy it would be if my hubby were home, in which he is not! So, this is where I step out of my comfort zone and learn to not depend on human strength...This is a task for a God-sized can of aerosol. Lord, feel free to spray at anytime!!!

Going "Postal"

This is so darn irritating I just have to laugh! God is working on me in many ways and today was just another one of "those days." Some of you already are aware of the fact that the gentleman who delivers our mail is horribly afraid of dogs. I don't want to dwell on a person's fear but hey, I admit that I am afraid of water, therefor, I do not intentionally go into bodies of water larger than my bathtub...
I have a dog. I have two dogs! When I had only one, I was ever-so politely informed, first by the mail carrier and then by the Post MASTER, that my rottweiler MUST be on a chain or in the house for mail to be delivered to anyone on our street. A chain link fence was no answer. So, with this warning, I obediently kept Maggie in the house until the mail had been delivered around 10:00 AM, no big deal, right? But soon our mail began to be unpredictable, being delivered anywhere between 10 AM and 4 PM. Not so cool for an animal that must relieve herself just as a person does...but I obeyed.
Though I felt like I was doing everything in my power to maintain my animal, I just wasn't doing enough. See, I have a glass storm door attached to my front door (which is where my mailbox is located) and though I feel like it is a safe confinement (LOCKED), our mail carrier thinks otherwise, especially after he seen the second rottweiler staring at him separated only by a glass door. And thus, I was visited AGAIN by the Post MASTER. The word "master" is just intimidating in my book...
So, I am no longer allowed the freedom of sunshine through my door on a sunny day if I want the luxury of my mail being delivered to my house. Okay, fine! I'll deal with it! But now comes the part that I have children who don't always remember that the mail has yet to run it's unpredictable route. So today, for the third time, the front door has been left cracked open though the dogs where secured in another part of the house for cleaning purposes. But the mailman doesn't know that the dogs where put away nor does he care, he didn't deliver the mail which is what happens the day before I get the visit by the lovely MASTER of the Post. This time it will be to inform me that I am a lousy dog owner and will now have to pick my mail up at the Office of the Post. Perilous, I know with four kids and a busy home school day. So my answer? I spent my "Mommy's Day Out" shopping for a mailbox that will stand by the curb. My goal is to have it up first thing in the morning so that when I get served the infamous letter by the MASTER he can see that I am diligent to obey, that it just took me a few tries to get it right.
Is that what happens with God? I don't believe so. Instead of God threatening us with the possibility of the loss of His presence, he just keeps giving us 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc., etc., etc., tries. He never gives up on us. As long as we keep trying, he keeps encouraging us to succeed. He is a patient God who loves us despite our iniquities and He is ever faithful because He knows the blessings He has in store for us. I am going to keep trying to get it right!

What a challenge. We are still three or four months out, but Christmas is on my brain. Since this is going to be a lonely time of year for the Jones household we decided that it might be beneficial to use this time to go back to Texas and Oklahoma. With that, comes the opportunity to rebuild those relationships that I mentioned in an earlier post. Those I sacrificed in the name of LOVE. It is a very exciting and yet apprehensive endeavour that I am ready to whole-heartily take on. So come on God, work with me...better yet, come one Nikki, work with God!
Though I have plenty of time on my side, I just feel like it isn't enough to prepare my heart or those of my loved ones. But in my heart of hearts, I know that this is the season to begin building, or at least the preparation there of. Just as we prepare to build a house, we must first prepare the ground and then begin the foundation before building the structure.
It has been about 2 1/2 years since I have seen those that I so dearly love that I so badly hurt. In the beginning we really struggled to muster the ability for civil conversation. What a loss...but what a time for God to clear away the clutter. Then, we gradually began to exchange in thought by way of Internet and soon periodic phone conversation. This has been like the ground work for the construction. And just like building, you are never completely sure when the ground is ready to lay the foundation and thus the structure, so you just have to trust that you have prepared enough to begin that process. This is where we are at: still prepping the ground for a proper foundation.
I am trusting that the ground will be ready by the time I get there; and though we may only work on foundational work and not get to the building yet, I know that everything has it's season, and that TIME isn't for God as we see it.

Luke 6:48 (NIV)He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven

August 23, 2008
MY WALK WITH LORD - Howard
When you all read this you will be reading some questions I have answered while going through a book I am reading. I am sharing this because it is important for you all to know.
The First question: The heart is easily captured by other people. Think of a time when another person unexpectedly won your heart?
This was an easy question to answer. I remember walking through the halls of Kingman High School. I actually think that I was coming out of the library and Looked to my left and there she was the most beautiful girl in the world. From a distance, she had long beautiful black hair and she was wearing a red button up shirt with a collar, with the sleeves cut off. It was like the sun hit her just right. It was amazing, it was perfect. That day was the first time my heart was captured, by the most amazing women in my life, my now, Wife.
The Second question: Giving our heart away is a key to happiness why are people so reluctant to do that.
My answer I think it is a combination of things, one in particular is being scared. Giving your heart up to someone opens your heart up to be hurt. And with that people associate it with pain, but what people don’t understand is that your heart has to be open to receive too. When it is closed off, it can’t let anything in also. So it is a very delicate balance, that if you go to one extreme to the other it can hurt, but it also can be rewarding.
The Third question: Who has your heart? God, Wife and family.
How is it that they “have your life”. God has my heart because he has been watching every move, guiding my every step. I can’t explain to you how many times he has been there for me. Or even possibly explain to you the things he has done for me. But what I can say is that he is an amazing God.
Just one very vague instance, I say this because I have learned that sharing my testimonies with everyone sometimes, the point that I am trying to get across doesn’t always register with a lot of people. So I say this hoping you all understand , if not sort of pick up what you need , so I say this with great respect, every time I think I know something or do something I am humbled. One morning I was praying to God for clarity, and I got it.
My beautiful Wife, that alone is a testimony in itself, because I tell you what, without her I don’t know what life would be like. This journey my family and I have been on, have been rough and rugged, but almost everyone knows that everything in my life was never easy. One of the greatest gifts God has blessed me with is perseverance. I say this humbly because God didn’t bless me with smarts, but he has given me what I needed, and in this world it is God, my beautiful wife, and my beautiful kids. There is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for my God, wife and Kids.
I would like to end with this you could spend the rest of your life wanting love or you could spend the rest of it receiving love. I find it easier for me to receive it. My amazing God, wife and family have all humbled me, and taught me this. It is easy to give up. That is what makes life so great, and that is what makes it so worth it, because if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it. You know for 8 yrs of my life I have been searching, it took me 22 yrs to find and receive God’s love; it took me 8 yrs, to be with the greatest women in the world. Love is always out there. I love you dear, I love you so much. I may not be there to show you, but I am. I love you.
John 15:9 “I have loved you as the father has loved me, remain in my love.”

August 21, 2008 in year of our Lord

Psalms 144:1-2

"You train my hands for war, and you give my fingers skill for battle."

"You are my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, and my rescuer. You are my shield and I take refuge in you."

THANK YOU LORD FOR MY MANY BLESSINGS

John 15:9

"I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love."

I was watching a movie it was called the Last Samuri, and in that movie a man retreated to the hills, his villiage and said "you could spend the rest of your life looking for that perfect Blossom." he said this as he looked at a tree that had many blossoms. I put myself in tom cruz shoes (now I know I am not tom cruz, and or good looking enough but bare with me) who he was talking to and I said to my self, what would I have said to him? and I know now, what I would have said to him. That I am that tree, and like it my life is full of perfect blossoms. The earth God has laid down for me as my foundation, and me being the tree, and my branches and pefect blossoms being my wife, kids and family. so see I understand now that most people could spend the rest of there life growing, or looking for that perfect blossom, I have realized some times you just have to sit and enjoy the beauty of the ones given to you, because every thing given and made by God is perfect in its own way, for God's purpose not ours.

To my amazing Wife,

You are my perfect Blossom, I could sit for hours and just watch you. In my life I have made mistakes too. tried to look for the one who I could turn my heart over too. God had other plans. for many years I have prayed to love someone as much as I love you. but that road has already been paved, and at the end of that 8 year road. I married the most Beautiful, Godly women in the world. and I have been blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with you darling. My nights are very lonley too. but you know in the end I get to come home to the most beautiful wife in the world, and the greatest kids ever. Stay strong in your faith darling, and know that I always love you.

To my Family,

Everyone had an amazing role in my up bringing. I am who I am today because of the love that everybody in my family has shown me. I love you all and thank you all for your support and love.

Howie

My heart is breaking

So, I am going through the motions. I have spent my entire life priding myself that I was strong at heart and could handle any situation that life threw at me. And though I know I am a strong person, I humbly confess that my heart is breaking. I have gone through the paniced stage of feeling anxious and speed-driven, but now I have reached a new shade of lonely. As I sat in bed for the first time tonight watching a romantic comedy, I finally realized that he is gone for 9 1/2 more months. That every night I will crawl into an empty bed as well as to wake up alone. This morning I had made a pot of coffee and started to go sit on the porch to enjoy it for the first time since he's been gone but then realize how lonely it would be out there without him. When we bought this house, that was our plan...to have coffee on the deck in the mornings, and we did and we enjoy it, but this morning I couldn't do it. I don't mean to play the fiddle on my soap box, but that is the purpose of this blog; to reveal the story behind the smile.
But as I sat there in bed praying and telling God how I want my husband, how I want him here to hold me, to smile at me, to tell me he loves me, God expressed that he knew. He reminded me that He is my husband and my strength. It doesn't completely take the hurt away to know that God cares about my every tear but it does give me comfort that He is here holding me even closer during this lonely time in my life...
Note to self: stay away from the romantic movies!

Jealousy in the House

We all know that kids get jealous and MEN get jealous (I plead the 5th) but do we ever think about animals? Maggie is our older rottie, being 2 1/2 years old, and the more mature having served her time in "the box." Toby, on the other hand, is 1 year old and is like a bull in a china closet...Maggie isn't any more graceful! If you aren't educated on the breed, here's a tidbit: they CHEW! These are not dogs for the faint, that is for sure, but they are amazingly loyal and lovable. I really like them. But "love" is a better word for these two "moose" that share our home.

Since Toby is "young and dumb" (immature), he is the unfortunate soul that has to sleep in the gianormous crate that makes our living room unsightly to eliminate any desire to munch on furniture or anthing else while we sleep...his reward: a pillow. Since he is our 2nd dog, Maggie having been our number 1 was the previous owner and inhabitant of "the box." When she prooved that she was mature and trustworthy, she graduated and was then allowed to roam the house and choose her spot to call her bed i.e the floor. For the time span between her graduation and his arrival, "the box" became a fixture of the garage to be seen by nobody up until Toby moved in. At this point, our living room lost what little glam it had aquired and once again has a massive, black, metal crate occupying one of the corners. Okay, so on to point. Each night when the lights go out, I call the infamouse phrase, "Toby, box!," and he willingly,yet reluctantly goes to the box to have the door shut and locked and then lays down to sleep. But not tonight. Tonight, I resigned myself to not write on the blog and instead go to bed for some much needed rest, but as I walk into the living room and to the box to get into my Alpha Stance I noticed he was already there...nope, it wasn't Toby. Toby was laying by my bedroom door snoring and Maggie was occupying "the box," looking at me with a "you better not" attitude on her face. How funny. She is jealous. Though she hated "the box" when it was her's, she is jealous that it has become his.

Aren't we all like this? Even over petty things...we see that someone else is enjoying something that we once had and we feel a hint of jealousy. We know that God knows us each individually and wants to give us each our own hearts desires as well as his spiritual gifts, but we as humans want more. We see what God has done for someone else and we compare it to our own lives and begin to wonder what we didn't do right. But God doesn't want us to be envious or jealous. He wants us to trust wholely and completely in him and wait on his timing. He has things in store for us all...Lord, may you guard my heart from envy. May I wait on your blessing!

Am I crazy?

Am I crazy? A rhetorical question but one that needs to be asked redundantly just the same. In my former blogging on myspace, I repetitively referred to my life as "crazy-beautiful" and that is just how I view it. I keep my life so chaotic and yet I love it. As strange as it may sound, I find my sanity among the chaos. The woman with it all together might see me as overwhelmed, overstimulated, too busy, stressed, and cluttered. Maybe I am...maybe my life is so cluttered that the ordinary person wouldn't be able to function, but God gave me a grace that makes it enjoyable for me. I find peace in the banter of it all. I even call myself blessed to have this much on my plate!
When I was a little girl, I remember the echoing words of my step-dad (who I so dearly adored), "LuLu, you have too many irons in the fire!" A phrase that I didn't figure out until years later...later being when he lovingly said, "LuLu, you're just like me, you've got too many irons in the fire." So the story of my life! It was that way then, it is that way now, and I suspect that it will be that way later. Why would I want to change when this is my normalicy? I love my life.
So, to another point of crazy. I have four kids, two dogs, oh, and my amazing husband. Do I need more? Probably not.Will I take more? You bet'cha! As a child, my heart was as big as Texas. Life lessons taught me to be careful with my heart and guard it. God opened it back up... I love his blessings! If God wants to put more in my path to love, then I will give it my whole heart. My prayer is to love as God loves, how am I to do that if I say "no?" So, what I say is...."Give it to me, Lord, all you've got. But with it, Lord, please give me your grace to handle it." BRING IT ON!

This is Growth

Somedays are a struggle, like today; an emotional battle raging war within my heart. My mind and my soul tug in opposite directions vying to proove the other wrong. I want to scream, I want to run...no, I want to rest in His perfect peace.In moments like these when the counterpart of my faith tries desperately to drag me ussunder to the depths of darkness that I remember my walk. I was never promised peaches and icing but tribulation, and then I am thankful for my trials. I am thankful that the enemy hates me so much and thinks of me as such a threat that he tries aimlessly to hurt me. So though I feel broken, I am triumphant and Idelight in my brokenness. This is growth, this is love...

This is hard, I'm not gonna lie. Some can presumptuously say that I knew what I was getting into when I married a man in the military and they are right, I did. But though my head knew the road ahead, my heart didn't care. I had loved this man for so long but had been dumb to the actuality and realization of it. It is amazing now to look back on the "before" of my life.

I had always struggled to know who "I" was and to find true happiness. I would step into a role that would make others smile and if it felt good enough for me then that is what it was...enough. But eventaully, that caught up to me. What amazes me now is that there were so many signs pointing toward destruction that I pushed away. One, being that I inwardly struggled with resigning my maiden name and replacing it with that of another's. Two, as harsh as it sounds, I would catch myself daydreaming that one day, years down the road, I would be a widow and my beloved and I would be reunited to share the remainder of our lives together. How unfair was the to those in my life? There are so many other examples but they are too numerous to bore you with.

So I have lived and loved, broken hearts and had mine broken; all these things leading up to the welcome reunion of my beloved  that shook my world so hard that debri can still be found in every relationship that was important to me at the time and is to this day. What I have to say to that? "Happiness is a small and acceptable price to pay to rebuild a bridge." I live with "maybe I could have's" but not with any REGRETS!
So now I live my life, serving God as a military wife and as some say, "serving on the homefront" but I wouldn't trade it for anthing. I know that God has brought me thru trials in my life to prepare me and make me strong for the role I now have.  May He use me for His purpose and may I enjoy the ride...

If I had of listened to my mamma...

If I had of listened to my mamma...

If I had of listened to my mamma, I wouldn't have skinned my knee so many times as a kid.

If I had of listened to my mamma, I would have made better grades in school and gone straight into college.

If I had of listened to my mamma, I wouldn't have had my heart broken so many times.

If I had of listened to my mamma, maybe we would be best friends.

If I had of listened to my mamma, I would have never cried as many tears in my lifetime.

What it she had of listened to her mamma, what would I be like?

If I had of listened to my mamma, I would never have found my soulmate.

Will my daughter listen to her mamma?

To start this off

I am new to blogging though I have blogged a small amount on myspace. I just heard about Blogspot today and really felt led to share my story with those who could use the encouragement. I have known for quite some time that my life's story is significant, just as everyone else's is, and can be and will be used by God. My role is to live it and share it. That simple. Yeah...not so simple.

To begin with I am currently 25 years old with 4 kids and a great husband, but it wasn't always so. I have sowed some oats and reaped their consequences, plenty to be sure. My hubby and I have known and loved each other for 10 years, since I was 15 and he was 17, but our paths didn't intersect and join together for 8 years. Eight very hard years for me, but two kids and two failed marriages with another failed relationship in between later...I accepted God into my life and allowed him to work in me and through me, during which time, Howard accepted Christ as well. In return for our faithfulness, God has blessed us with a terrific marriage, two more children and just all-around happiness.

And so our story begins.