PREPARING FOR A LONG AWAITED DAY

In 2 1/2 weeks I will begin the journey home. In reality, I have been on this journey for 3 years now. I never would have thought that I would be apart from my mamma both physically and emotionally for that long of a time. But God can move mountains and a mountain was sure what had come between us! I have been praying for this day since the day that the mountain was set into place. I am fully aware that ALL of my prayers may not come to pass but for now I am just thrilled that the bridges are being restored and our relationship is being repaired.

It is going to be a big trip. The kids and I will be there for a couple of months if all goes according to plan. If it doesn't, I know where home is and I have a home in Virginia waiting for me. But as of now, I am asking all of my readers to lift my family up in prayer. I will be facing my past and the demons that were left there. I just ask that you stand in prayer with me that I will not be spiritually attacked by the enemy and that all of the enemy's plans be foiled. May the Lord's will be done in that place!

For those of you who do not know this yet, here is my secret...keep it safe, it is a surprise for my children. Daddy is coming home!!!! YAY!!! I will slip out while the kids are with relatives and get him from the airport and bring him to them. They will be so surprised, I cant wait to see their faces. Oh, how I cant wait to lay in bed with my husband and the baby as she gets to know her daddy in those quiet moments in the morning before everyone else wakes up. For me, that is the most precious time with her and I cant wait for Daddy to enjoy it as well. She was 3 1/2 months old when he left and bless her little heart, she doesn't even know she has such a wonderful daddy. But she will, though only for a short time. This is only a "teaser" but he will be home for good soon enough. I know that this visit is going to leave us heartbroken again but I am just thankful that he gets to come home for this...to my mamma's. So readers, please be in prayer for that as well.

Dear readers, I love you. I feel honored that you would take the time out of your day to read my blog but I do need to say something that God had put on my heart. My post the other night was from an angry heart and I do apologize. I did prayerfully consider retracting that post but in response to my prayers, the answer is not what you may want to hear. I understand that everyone has their reasons for any and everything that they do. That is between you and God and I will by NO means judge you. I am a sinner. But if you were angered by my words, then that is conviction and that too is between you and God. Conviction is one of Gods methods to changing our hearts and sometimes it hurts.

I am fed up with all of you CHRISTIANS!!!

Do you know that 85% of Americans claim to be Christians? That is 224,457,000 people. That means that only 15% of our country's people are of either some other religion or are atheist and believe nothing at all. That is crazy! Do you realize that you could walk into Wal-Mart filled with 100 people and ask them if they believe in God, statically, 85 people would answer yes. But here's the kicker, what if you then asked those 85 people what they did with their "Christianity?" Do they...

• Do they regularly attend church to be in the presence of the Lord and the body of believers or do they just sit in the back pew of the church to earn feel good points for the week? Do they attend church at all?
• Do they thank God continually throughout the day for the unnoticed blessings is in their life?
• Do they offer prayer to the sick woman standing in line at the grocery store or do they just pray that she doesn't come close enough to catch what she has and quietly condemn her for going out in public like that?
• Do they teach their children about the Lord?
• Do they admit to their friends that they are a "Christian" with firm moral values or do they just pass forwarded emails around with the hope of receiving a blessing for sending it to 7 people while hoping that those 7 people don't get offended and take them off of their friends list?
• Do they organize ministry to reach out to those who are lost?
• Do they offer their time to others who are organizing ministry to those who are lost?
• Do they even know the price to claim to be a "Christian" in persecuted countries? Do they care?
• Do these people do anything other than claim that they are a "Christian?" Do they know the definition of "Christian?"

"a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ"

• Do they know what Christ taught?

I am angered at the atrocity of these people who falsely testify to being a "christian" but have no knowledge of our Lord nor of the value of what He did for us! Back to the saying, "you can sit in your garage all day long saying 'I'm a car, I'm a car,' but that doesn't make you a car." Get out there and do something PEOPLE! Live like you have something to live for. Remember: there are consequences to lying, even if it was a well intended lie such as proclaiming to be a "christian"; the road to hell is paved with good intentions; and if we confess with our mouth but then turn the other way, we are putting a stumbling block in front of others and we will reap the consequences.
REMEMBER this in our election...

To lose those we love

There are moments in all of our lives when we feel beaten down and just utterly alone. Stagnant.
This blog is not a wallering-hole for self-pity but an online journal to give others insight into the struggles and joys that we face as a christian family in a world that doesn't carry our same views. As well as looking into the life of a path less traveled, it is also an insight into the lonely world of a military family.
The other day I was part of a conversation that took place revolving around what we lose when we choose to follow Christ and it was made known that it is a common thing to lose your family,or for them to at least begin to think that you have gone of the deep end. In my life, I have seen that happen. I have watched as those I love so dearly have withdrawn from me becuase they don't fully understand the change and I, myself, have withdrawn from alot due to things and lifestyles being less appealing to me. I am by no means judgemental...I try VERY hard at that, but it seems that others are afraid that I am just because I have chosen to change my life. Though to some, this issue may seem trivial, but to me it is enormous. I struggle with knowing that my choice to follow Christ came with a price tag. A very large one. But although the price was tragic in my eyes, I know that to God it is only pennies. A small sacrifice in comparison to what He gave and that it was not in vain.
So, though at times I feel as though I walk this dusty trail alone, I know that it isn't so. And as I am slowly separated from those that I hold dear to my heart, God is replenishing my life with new faces and atmospheres that only bring me closer to another horizon.

What a Wonderful Surprise

I love to brag on my adoring husband and today is no different. God has definitely blessed me with all I could ever ask for out of a man: he loves our Lord and makes an honest and conscience effort to put God first above our relationship and family, he is very passionate about our family and strives to be a good and present daddy (work-willing), he loves me tenderly with his every breath making me feel like I am the most important woman in the world and has tremendous faith in all that I do or think about doing. He is amazing. He is beautiful, inside and out, and I have to admit, I was a little jealous when I was told by a neighbor that he was sexy and she liked to watch him when he would go out for a run in nothing but combat boots and his little shorty-short shorts! Ahhh, hmmm, still not sure how to take that one... lol. But if you haven't figured it out yet, I am crazy about that man. I might not always act like it to him, he may not see me adoringly stare at the back of his head when he is playing with the kids, or me breaking my neck to watch him walk away when he is wearing his green cammies. He may not realize how giddy and impatient I get when I know he is off work and on his way home or how many times a day I think about him, especially now in his absence, but I do. I love that man.

I have mentioned before that God always knows the right moments and he is ever faithful to pull me out of my own pit of pity. I love God. I love my husband. I just cant say it enough tonight. But to get on with it... The last few days have been a far cry from warm. I have worn both a full length leather coat and a knee length wool coat and was still cold, so imagine my house when I was defiantly rebelling to turn the heater on this early in the year. Needless to say, I finally caved on that one.

I can get through my days now with little thought to my loneliness. This is probably due to my nonstop schedule of being a mommy of four, but it isn't so at night, especially on cold nights. My hubby generates enormous amounts of heat. I call him my furnace in the winter months but I can hardly cuddly up too close for long periods of time in the summer because of this. Oh, but how wonderful it is on a cold winter night to curl up on his arm with my back to his stomach enveloped in his other arm. So safe. So secure. And oh so warm! I love it, which brings me back to my point, sorry about the wondering thoughts there. lol.

It SUCKS to climb into a cold bed and have to generate my own heat!!! I think I need a heating blanket for this season. So, I've been a little bummed. I've had trouble sleeping. And just once again reminded of his absence. And voila!!! I walked outside to take something to my neighbor to see a delivery van in my driveway. He asked if I was "Jones," "sho nuff" I said. He said he had some flowers. I said,"another set of Jones' live two houses down" and he said "no this is you, you got a boyfriend?" I said no, got a husband in another country." He said, "I'll be your boyfriend!" I thanked the 70 something year old man and walked away feeling refreshed.

My bible study asks, "Am I lovely?" Today, I felt lovely, loved, adored, cherished, and wanted. Sunflowers are my FAVORITE flower, red is my FAVORITE color, red roses are the flower of love. And so he thought of ME with red roses and sunflowers on this cold and lonely day. My heavenly father showered his grace on me by using my wonderful husband. Today the love rained down.

And to my Dear Hubby, if you get to log on and read this, I love you, I adore you, and I cherish you.

Is it possible?

As most of you know, I struggle with the endless energy of my soon to be six year old with the conception of "he's just a boy." But last night at the birthday party, as I made small talk with a dad of one of the children there, I was brought face to face with a whole new concept. His son is "allergic to dies." Okay, at first thought I was sure that this was legitimate, but later in conversation I was led to ask more key questions which soon brought the truth of home diagnosis and treatment into view. There it was and crazy. Or was it? I had to come home and investigate.
There really is a study linking preservatives and dies to ADHD. WOW. Now lets put it into action.
Any Normal Day: restlessness, back talk, argumentative, angry and defiant.
DAY 1: we started the day off with coffee, yep, black coffee for the youngster. Paid attention to preservatives and non organic foods and drinks enter his wee little mouth. Spent 3 hours at Wal-mart with 4 tricycle motors and had not one fit. No anger. No back talk. Bought a pack of gummy candy, 20 minutes later, he is picking at his sister trying to start a fight, running through that house jumping over toys as hurdles, and was not interested in helping out at supper time.
Is this my answer??? We'll see, after all, God intended us to eat "natural" foods.

MY LATEST CAKES

So, it has been a while since I have had my hand in cake decorating, a hobby that I so dearly enjoy. But a few months back, I was given the opportunity to purchase, second-hand, quite a bit of decorating supplies. Since all of my supplies were in storage in Texas, I jumped on the band wagon, but since, I have only had to the opportunity to make 3 cakes...Bummer...but tonight I was asked by the manager of a bowling ally if she could give my name out to customers.

The pink cake on the right was made at the end of August for my daughter's 8th birthday. She wanted so badly to have a tea set but I told her that I couldn't afford one this year and that her cake would be my gift to her and that it would be a secret. Her face was priceless when she seen her cake!

The green horse cake and the pirate ship were both made today for two children who belong to a close friend of mine. I do have to say, the pirate ship was pretty awesome. The ladders, ropes, anchors and the plaque in front of the cake where all made last night out or royal icing and made a fun candy for the kids. It was a blast! I love to bless others with the talents that God blessed me with. It is so much fun to be used.

What a wonderful man

I didn't find it today. BUMMER. In fact, I stressed myself out today to the point of panicked tears and just like God always does, he intervened in my little pity party. My hubby called at that precise moment.

Normally, a man would be upset with his wife for loosing 3 ATM cards, 2 department store cards (that I shouldn't even have), social security numbers, military id, and out of state drivers license, but not my wonderful hubby. He had only loving words of encouragement, walked me through processes of canceling cards over the Internet and assured me that we will get it all taken care of in time for my extended trip to Texas. What a wonderful man, if I can brag on my hubby for a sec, he is mine...

What a wonderful husband I have. He is slow to anger and forgives quickly. He could easily be angry with me for jeopardizing our whole financial/credit future but instead, he is loving and optimistic. Man, I love him.

I have lived a life before I came to Christ and just as I can vouch that raising kids with versus apart from God are too radically different approaches, I can vouch that being married to a man who centers our marriage around our heavenly Father is much different than being married to a man who just believes he is a christian just because he believes that a god exists. I love the adage, you can sit in you garage all day long and say, "I'm a car, I'm a car," but that doesn't make you a car. Living apart from God is no longer an avenue that I choose to take and I am so thankful that I have a hubby who loves our Lord just as much to travel this dusty trail with...even if we are oceans apart right now.

Lord, thank you for my husband. Thank you that you paired me with someone who can walk through this world with me and uplift me in those moments when I feel desperate and apart. Thank you that you never fail to bring me up out of my pit, that you use tools and people that I can relate to to see your glory and love. Lord, I ask for your hand to always be on our lives and marriage. I pray that your favor be upon my husband and that he return home safely. May your glory reign on this earth. May your light shine and push out the darkness.

It all happens for a reason, but ENOUGH is ENOUGH

Okay, so now I am to the point of utterly and completely STRESSED! Yesterday started off as a really super day. Aside from the battle of having 4 kids shopping in the mall, two of which had colds and were 3 hours past naps, I found some really great deals and was able to purchase almost everything on my list...plus SOOOO much more, and still stay within my budget. GREAT. AWESOME! But as the day progressed, I feel like my stability of sanity collapsed.
It had been planned for several days that a lady from our church would come over at 5:30 to sit with my kids so that I could drive one of our vehicles to the dealership to offer it up for sale. As I had said, two of my kids were sick (despite me taking them shopping all day), so because I didnt have her number, I periodically emailed her via blackberry to let her know that I didnt feel like she should come over; to terminate our prior plans. Well, my house was a complete disaster, my babies were crying, I was tired and this sweet lady pulled into my drive. She had not checked her email all day and had no clue that I had even sent one. But despite my pleas, she was comfortable with keeping sick kids and urged me to go. I was so unprepared and I quickly became rushed dealing with preparation to sell the car amongst trying to sneak away from my crying one year old. The lady soon told me that she would keep the baby and I would take my one year old with me. Good idea. But amongst the chaos, my sister called...no time to talk, so I didnt answer. Then I repeatedly ran in and out of the house, from one vehicle to the next, then realizing that I didnt have my billfold with my i.d.'s. IMPORTANT. So I ran back in, probably a few more times after that, and then finally backed out of the driveway.
About a half of a mile up the road I did a check to make sure that I made it out of the house with all of the necessities learning that my billford was nowhere to be found in the car or on me or in my diaper bag. So,...I turned around and went back to the house. Frantically, I searched every room and turned up empty handed. Lord, please dont let me have laid it on top of the car and drove off. So, with this fear in mind, I leave again, driving slowely up the road looking for it to be lying in or beside the road. Nada. ZIP. So I decide to pull into the gas station at the end of the road to look the car over again, under the baby, under his car seat, but then I get an urgent text from my sister whom I had previously ignored.
WHOOF....my air is gone. BREATH! BREATH! I didnt know what to think. I still dont know what to think. Such horrible news and I am so far away. Not only am I so far away in terms of miles but in relationship as well. Before I knew God, I was guilty of idolizing a person. He was on a pedestal in my eyes. I seen his wrong, but it was okay because he was such a big part of my life and I loved him tremendously... I still do. That will never change, no matter what he thinks of me. But 2 years ago I convinced my heart to believe that he was dead. Not physically, but emotionally and I have yet to complete the grievance process. But because of my displacement, I am not supposed to know. How do I deal with this? I want to be selfish and run home but our relationship is broken and hasnt been fixed in hopes of saving him grief. If I go running home, his life will be turned upside down...I would be stomping on his heart. Of all of the things I am or of all of the things I have been accused of, I am not selfish, at least not often. I allow my heart to be wrenched from my chest to leave me breathless on the floor just to save someone else the heartache. So it is now...I want so much to be selfish and mend broken bridges before it is too late so that I dont have to live the rest of my life with the REAL pain of loosing someone when they are angry with me; but if I think of me, I hurt him and his home life. Lord, where am I to be in all of this?
SO, I looked all day and the billfold is still gone. If I hadn't of lost it, I wouldnt have called my sister back until way later. If I hadnt of called her back at that moment, she might have thought twice about telling me, which might have changed the course of our relationship forever. So, Lord, I know that everything happens for a reason. I lost my billfold for a reason greater than I want to comprehend. But geeze, enough is enough all ready. I have enough stress just piled on that I dont need to worry about canceling debit cards, filing for a new military ID, trying to get another Arizona drivers license, or filing for new social security cards for my whole family...revelation please.

The Perfect Parent...what?

Where is the line between good parenting and bad parenting? I wish there was a line to draw, but I am beginning to realize that there is NO "perfect" parent out there who can parent perfectly. This is my current dilemma as I continue on my course of learning the how's, do's, and don't of raising children...but may I mind you, not just any children, but godly children.
I am in my 8th year of parenting and my 3rd year of raising godly children. With 5 years under my belt of the befores, I can definitely vouch that there is as big of a difference in the two parenting styles as night and day. As much as I try to be a "good" parent, sometimes I feel like I carry the title of a "bad" parent. Such a heavy burden.
"Am I a failure at this???"
"Should I give up on raising godly children and just go back to the befores?"
"Where is my help when I am all alone?"
"Where is the grace for my children's mistakes on their journey of growth?"
These are the questions that speed through my head amongst the jumbled clutter of a chaotic mind. The answer I get..."Be still and know...be still and know." Be still and know what? "That I am God." Now I am more than aggravated at the planet for my children's broken hearts and my over-bearing desire to give up along with my feelings of failure, but now I am aggravated at God for just telling me to sit down and shut-up like I am a little kid my self. Oh!!!!! Light bulb!!! I am a little kid! I am just a child to God and I am forever learning and being disciplined myself by THE perfect parent. And yes, I do need to sit down and shut-up. I need to leave my feelings of desolation and frustration out of the mix and leave it to God. I need to trust in HIM alone for my children. Seek HIM alone for the answers to my parenting questions and let HIM resolve any conflict that arises.
Tonight the kids and I studied Proverbs 10 and in just that one chapter, God spoke so many things; "the Lord does not let the righteous go hungry, " "hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs," and "he who holds his tongue is wise." God is not going to let my prayers for my children be in vain, nor is he going to allow my efforts to raise godly children be in vain. Though other people may not grant grace to my children for their mistakes, they are only human facing their own trials in this same rotten world, but God gives them grace just as he gives me grace for not being a perfect parent. And if I hold my tongue not speaking in a manner that might be misconstrued, but be steadfast in prayer with patience and love, God's glory will be revealed.Thank you Lord that you are a God of patience, grace, and love. Help me Lord to see and love others the way you see and love them. Help me to parent my children according to your Word extending mercy and grace to them just as you have for me. Give me patience with each child and reveal to me which areas in each child's life that needs to be tended to at each particular moment that it is needed. Please fill myself and my children with your holy presence and may we be beacons for your kingdom.