Obey Your Husband

Recently, I have been bothered with an issue that coincides with my faith. I thought all was well and good and we were doing OUR faithful part all the way up until my hubby questioned our actions and our motives. It really struck me hard. I was totally okay with digging a deeper hole so long as I felt like I was doing my part, my hubby was the one to look in and see how deep the hole was really getting...sorry for the analogies and metaphors tonight. His proposal really scared me and I began to dig for answers. You know you are doing the wrong thing when you look for prophetic words from other people than to just ask God what He'd have you do. But as we all know, I don't always do things right the first time. But God is gracious. Boy is He!!! So, my plight of seeking answers in all the wrong places was abruptly halted by that authoritative voice that sounds off when I finally shut down my mind and listen. "Obey YOUR husband!" Okay God, I get your point. So there it is, obey my husband so it is his head on the chopping block and not mine if it is the wrong decision, hee hee! :)

ALONE

"Am I really doing this alone?" This question haunts me from time to time these past few weeks. Some days fly by without the slightest thought of the struggles I am up against but some days I feel the weight bearing down on me threatening to plunge my heart into the abyss of self-pity. Millions of women raise children alone. Millions of women put their children to bed at night and tell them that they can see their daddy this weekend or they say prayers for Daddy in Heaven. My children and I say prayers that we can see Daddy again before we get to Heaven. I have to tell them that they will get to see Daddy again next summer and I assure them that he is okay and safe. There is a sort of pain in that prayer, trusting that God will keep him safe though I have no clue as to where exactly he is at or what he is doing...though there is an apprehension and yet a peace in the unknown.
Daddy calls me and assures me that I am doing a good job taking care of our family while he is off doing what he does, but I still step back and think "how can I do this?" Brydon is at an age where he is very torn that his Daddy is away, though he is proud to say that his Daddy serves our country! It is very cute. Tonight he declared that HE will one day join the forces in serving our country and I had to remind him of Daddy's wishes that he get a college education FIRST.
Back to point and back on my soap box, I struggle with the thought of truly being alone. But then just like He always does, God, ever-so-politely, reminds me that He is in charge, not me and that I am not alone. It is very humbling. Imagine, drowning in your own pity, almost pridefully...like I am proud to pity myself or something, and then just pushed off my soap box in an instant with the realization that I have no right to complain because I am not alone! Not that I want to pity myself but it almost gives you a sense of power over your life...STRANGE. But that is just it, With every earmark of my life, God has been shaping me up for this moment in my life. This moment to reveal his glory. That is what it is about. Being a light in a darkened world. And though we are all called to be that light, we are all called to do it differently at different seasons. I just envision Christmas lights. All strung up lighting the night so beautifully and though they are all working together to achieve the same result of beauty, they are different colors places strategically along the line. That is us, God's children. We are all different colors lighting up the night and though we appear to be suspended in the darkness by ourselves, there is a wire in the background holding is up. That wire is God. Whimsical analogy, I know but that is what God just put on my heart at this moment. So I am not alone. I am only one light in the darkness working alongside the other lights to reveal God's glory and though those in the dark cant see the wire in the background stringing the lights together, God is there, holding myself and all the others up so that we can reveal his beauty. May He be glorified by my life. May my struggles and triumphs bring him praise. He is worthy. Thank you Lord that you hold me up when I feel like I cant stand. Thank you for loving me with the greatest and purest of loves. Use me Lord, use me for your purpose and may your will be done in and through my life. May you be magnified!

1787, our Constitution was signed by our founding fathers and God was there! 1791, the Bill of Rights was added to the amendments to "forever" establish our rights as free Americans and God was there! 1914 was the beginning of WWI and though blood was poured, God was there. 1969 was the year we realized that man could step foot on the moon and of course, God was there. Our country fell to our knees in desperation in 2001 and though we couldn't understand "why," God was still there!!! Did you notice him?

When you wake up in the morning thinking of the upcoming day do you feel the big squeeze on your heart? He is hugging you, telling you good morning. Do you notice him? When you lay down at night, do you selfishly say "thank you God, but I am too tired to talk. I know you understand that I need my sleep," and then doze right off or maybe lay and think of the days events or tomorrows worries? Can you count on one hand or maybe even count at all how many times a day that you acknowledge him? Give thanks in everything, and in everything sing praise to the Lord.
He was there then, He is here now, and He will be there tomorrow. I pray that God would awaken your heart and open your eyes. He's everywhere and He is WILD about YOU!!!

Isaiah 40:8 "The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever."

Have you ever looked at each moment and wondered if you ever deserved what God has given you? I have and I am proud to say I don't deserve it, but because the Good Lord was merciful and loving, I have it. In this picture on the left I am holding the greatest women in the world. My best friend, my love, my wiffee. It was fascinating to me because I have looked at this picture and what it has captured, and if you look closely you will see that it has captured both of us with our wedding rings. Now I am not saying that the wedding rings are what's important here, but the life time of love that goes with this awesome commitment is what I am trying to capture. What it took to get to that point in our lifes, to share everthing we have, to love each other it is so amazing. I love my wife, and I am so proud of her and the amazing things she is doing for God, and our family.

I remember this one time, my first tour to Iraq, I was 22 yrs of age then and I remember sitting on top of a blown out bunker looking out in to the dark night whatching God's blessing light up the dark night, wandering if I will ever kiss her again. Now that I married to the greatest women in the world, and get to share the rest of my life with her, there is no greater gift from God then this. they say in this world a picture says a thousand words, this picture alone, says everthing to me. A fulfilment of one of my prayers to God to spend the rest of my life with the girl that I have loved, since the first day I have seen her roming the halls of Kingman High.

I love you darling

your Hubby

Into the heart of a military wife

When I started this blog, I named it "God's Walk With a Military Family." So far, I haven't posted much insight into what I am truly feeling on the inside. Part of the reason is that I haven't really known. When the person that you turn to for EVERYTHING in life is gone you tend to try to fill the void with anything you can muster into it. I am sure it is much the same way when a spouse passes away,or at least to some minor degree. You just don't want to think about it. And so that is what I have been doing. Enjoying what I call "the chaos." Without it, I am afraid that I would become very withdrawn, lonely,and to the point of depression. But God has planted many factors into my day that keep me on my toes. My children and my dogs, or now "DOG." Most recently, I have been blessed with new friends and preparation for a women's group that kicks off in two days. It has been nice to not have to wrap my brain and heart around the fact that my hubby is in some place that I cant even pronounce. But now to get into the heart...

We are very blessed in this deployment as far as communication goes but it has it's downfalls too right along with the upsides. Where ever he is at and whatever he is doing right now it allowing him the time and ability to call me daily.It is great. What isn't so great is that this communication is a constant reminder that he is away from me and how much time will have to pass before we will be together again. The words, "I miss you" and "I can't wait to see you" tear at my heart. I feel guilty that I don't bring myself to say those words to him often, but if I say what I feel, it makes the feeling a reality that I cant escape at that moment. So what do I do? I talk about EVERYTHING, anything and everything that I can cram into that 30 minute conversation and never really talk about deep heart issues. I know he misses us and I know that he isn't as busy as I am so he has more time to miss us. My heart aches for him.

• Every time I play with Aleya and she smiles and screams in happiness I fight back the tears from coming to the surface because I feel guilty that he is not here to see her joy of learning something new.
• As Xander runs through the house like a whirlwind screaming "Mommy!" I realize that he started talking after Daddy left.
• Kodi steps up to bathe her little brother, help me cook, and pacify the baby when I administer the discipline and I think about how I am doing Daddy's job as Kodi is doing mine at that moment.
• When I realized that Brydon is acting out behavior that makes him think of Daddy, my heart breaks to know that his role model is not here at the present time.
• And when I am exhausted and climb into bed at 1 am hardly able to think... That is what I do to not notice the empty bed.

But we were chosen. God chose us to live this lifestyle right here, right now! Nothing is by chance nor will it ever be left up to chance. God's finger prints are on EVERY single twist, turn, bump, and straight plain in our life.

I am proud of my husband. Proud that he serves both God and country and I am proud to be his wife. I will gladly bear this cross and I will carry it with thanksgiving.

Quiet...???

What sound do I hear? This is strange. Completely different than I am used to. What is it? QUIET. Oh, so that is what it sounds like!
Yesterday was a day that I had to bend. Though the chaos of my life is beautiful in my eyes, it was a little too much. What I should really admit to is that I could no longer stand the excess of dog hair. Toby was great, but it was time for him to find a new home. Having two rottweilers is a little excessive when you consider the brood of children that my hubby and I have. I think Toby will be well loved and taken care of. I took measures to ensure that the person taking him knew what he was getting into and had a good understanding of the breed.
So here I am with the kids in bed and instead of having two rowdy rotties rough-housing under my feet, there is only one; laying solemnly but peaceful. And so I am...at peace. This is nice, but Lord, how do I hear you in the quiet?

My walk with the Lord

(02 Sep 2008)

You know the amazing part about life is being able to love unconditionally. There shouldn't be any conditions on love, just the freedom to love someone wholeheartedly with no restrictions. The best part about it is: God gave that freedom to us. At the top center of this blog you will see two pics of my wonderful kids who i love so much and have been a blessing to me since they came in to my life. On the right you will see my little Xander kissing his sister with love, and on the left you will see me holding the most precious, most beautiful, and most encouraging woman of God as well as being the greatest blessing God has given me in my life. Darling, and to those who see this blog, without God's unconditional love for me what you see in these pictures wouldn't have been possible; without God's love and without your love Darling. You have been an awesome blessing to me Darling and thank you for loving me. I know this life is tough, but God wouldn't have put you in my life if you couldn't handle it. I will close with this, God has done amazing things with me and my family and they say pictures speak a thousand words. If you look at these pictures you will see that God is the center of our lives and the blessing doesn't come with conditions and rules, it comes with unconditional love from God.

Isaiah 40:8

"The grass whithers and the flower fades but the word of God Stands forever"

John 15:9

"I have loved you even as the father has loved me, remain in my love."

John 3:16