I WAS defeated

WOW! Today was one of those days...One of those hair-raising, frustrating, make you wanna quit days. It was a day that I had to literally call upon the Lord to just get our math done. No one ever said that homeschooling the children would be easy,in fact, I new prior to the commitment that it would be the hardest endeavour that I would ever embark upon.
This morning we awoke to a beautiful white landscaped yard. The brilliant white was enormously enticing to the kids so I used it to my advantage, knowing full-well that kids almost always have one up on the parents. But I did anyway and encouraged the kids to speed thru their chores and hop right onto school work so that they could play outside.
In the beginning, it was going great. They were motivated beyond motivation. But soon the neighbor kids were all in the street and in the creek behind the house sliding down inclines and throwing snowballs. My children eagerly watched out the window and tried to focus. It was very hard for them but they were doing so well. But as it usually does, the good has its end and we started to struggle. I would help one child as the other would pout because they were stuck and needed my help as well.It was a very stressful predicament. They had so much bottled up intensity and anxiety over getting finished that they became frustrated when "teacher-mom" couldn't help them as quickly as they had hoped because I was in the process of helping their sibling,not to mention, carrying around an infant and occupying and two-year old. More stress than I bargained for over manipulating this little snow day. FOR SURE. But soon enough they were done.
So once again, I was reminded today that God's grace is sufficient. It was frustrating to a point that I wondered why I was battling to home school my two oldest children while I had two demanding young ones at my feet vying for my attention as well. God reminded me that when he blessed me with children, he was putting their training and future in my hands. That this is not a task that I can lightly passed off to someone that I do not know because ultimately, it is MY responsibility to train my children up in the way that they should go because God promises that if I am diligent to do so that they will not depart from that. With such a hefty promise, if I were to expect someone else to train my children, then what will I have to complain about when they are teenagers and I can't control them...it would be on my head, if they want to rebel against me, I want to know full-well that I did EVERYTHING in my power to raise them right. Their salvation is MY responsibility as their parent and God gives me the opportunity to chose who my children are subjected to and what kinds of influences they are around. Not saying that I am hoping that this is the key to having godly young adults, but I do believe that it is a help. That showing the kids that I love God and them so much that I lovingly and gladly take on that full role and responsibility, carrying the full weight of their upbringing upon my shoulders, and that choosing the influences whom they come encounter with, as well as, ensuring that they have vast interaction with other children who are being raised in christian homes. I pray that these efforts will encourage my children to grow in love that is so lacking in our society and culture.
Please, readers, don't think that I am short-changing you if you have your children in public school, I am in no way judging you. I am solely expressing my conviction on raising my children. The conviction that I was reminded of today as well as multiple day of our school year.
So, off of my box...sorry about that. My point for blogging tonight is just that in the midst of defeated thoughts God's grace was there. HE was there. He gave me the grace to get through our school work with our sanity--at least part of it, and he reminded why I chose to do it in the first place, giving me a renewed strength.
I know that my situation may seem trivial to some of you, but I know that all can relate. In those moments that we feel like it just isn't worth continuing, when we want to walk away, walk out the door, drive off and forget. Just give up. God is there. He is always there. I have a vision of a bee in a glass jar...bear with me...but think for a moment of a bee contained in the glass jar. You can faintly hear him buzzing inside as he whizzes around searching for an escape route, but then when you take the lid off, immediately, you can distinctively hear the sound of his wings...buzzzzzzzz. Got the picture? So now apply that in those moments of defeat, take the lid off of God and listen to him buzz as he renews you. Ask him for ears that hear his voice and for his peace amidst the chaos. He is ever so faithful to do so. He ROCKS!

These last days are torture

I have become incredibly irresponsible with my diligence in blogging. I do apologize once again. These past days have been a blur. I am so thankful that I have my cousin here with me to get thru these final weeks. She has truly been a blessing to have. Soon, she will be off on the road headed to the next destination that the USCG has in store for them. Me? I will be here anxiously awaiting the return of my wonderful hubby. The days are counting down! YES! We are in the final stretch, only a matter of weeks. But though my heart will be overwhelmed with joy, it will once again be crushed in only a matter of months. The call of duty. And so the saga of a military family continues as we will face the joys of home and the cry of separation. This is where we call on the Lord and trust in his everlasting mercy and grace.
My love to all of my family and friends and friends who are family. I love you!